Friday, December 11, 2020

PAM DEMIC GOES CAROLING

Well not really. If I go wassailing with the neighbor ladies you just may be praying to hear Mariah Scary screeching that song of hers!!!! But this photo was taking years ago, when I and Ms Moorecock were on the set of a little known holiday play called Holiday Cheer.  We were discovered by Roslyn Kind one night at a club, when she was hanging out with Lorna Luft, both of them putting them back, and bitching about their sisters. For you kids that don't know, Roselyn Kind is the younger half sister of Barbara Streisand, and Lorna Luft is the sister of Liza Minnelli. Well, she came up and told us we had the perfect look to play rabbinical students in a key scene in a  holiday play that her sister was putting on. Well, we didn't get the parts, but instead got the parts of dancing sugar plums in a segment of the Nutcracker. Well...yours truly really messed up.  I was so drunk from the night before, that I threw up inside the sugar plum costume, fell, and then rolled across the stage and into Roselyn Kind, who proceeded to knock over the huge Nutcracker that fell onto Streisand, who to say, wasn't happy. Needless to say we left the production, ending what could have been my huge stage career. Meanwhile Babs was so livid, she called off the whole production. But here I am now, as a pamphlet writer, in these difficult times. After the last pamphlet for Thanksgiving, 30 Ways to Make Those Thanksgiving Left-Overs Last in A Pandemic and Crafting, failed, Im back with my newest one just in time for the holidays! 
The first thing you have to remember is don't panic. Just because we are in a pandemic doesn't mean you can't be fashionable for the season.  One of the easiest things to do is just wear a Santa hat with a sprig of holly on it. If you don't have a Santa hat, use a Christmas stocking and shove your head in that. Or if you want, use a pair of stockings, although, people might think your going to hold them up. And don't forget your mask. I  don't trust these bitches, so I have been double masking and even went a step further and put poisonous poinsettias in the front.
And while your at it, don't forget to enjoy a cock-a-tail while getting ready. It's cold outside. Now if your like me, you probably forgot where all your winter capes are packed, or are to lazy to go find them. Don't fear. Just go over to the tree and whip off that tree skirt! Not only can you wrap it around and pin with a favorite brooch, it can be worn as a scarf, a skirt, and comes in real handy when your playing a game of bull and matador with your houseboys.
And don't forget to wear protective eye wear and  gloves. The gloves come in real handy when you have a drink that sweats. Hell, since they almost go to my elbows, Id even consider wearing them to the opera one day.  And when it comes to hats, there always in fashion. One festive thing that is fun is to wear a knit hat, the then stuff through the little holes pine branches.  Before you know it, you have a small Christmas tree on your head!!!! How fun! If your brave enough, why not add a few balls to it.
And do you realize that Christmas balls make for great earrings?!?!  Or take a ball or if your religious,  the baby Jeebus and hot glue to an exiting ring. What a statement! If you really want attention while out shopping, string together hundreds of jingle bells and make a statement necklace of multiple tiers and matching bracelets and just watch the attention you get. I have also taken honey, and then stuck almond brittle to my neck to do a necklace and let the boys and passer bys eat from it, but the fun stopped this year because of the 6ft rule...but why not do it anyhow for your loved one? Nothing says good sex like including almond brittle.
You'll just have to send for the pamphlet for the complete guide, I don't want to spoil all the surprise and delights. It should hit rest stops, bookstores, and bus stations next week. And now is not time to be skimpy with the hooch either. I take my gallon bottle every where. Nice for a quick tipple, or to sprinkle on fingers to kill any Covid-19 germs. And of course a nice cock-a-tail.
Hell, I don't need glasses, I drink right from the bottle!

And you'll all you be relived I turned down my invitation to trumps Christmas Covid Mingle and Spread Party last night. 1- I really didn't want to show up Melania with my festive ensemble, and two,  I just still can't face Lady G since the lawn mower clandestine. But I pray trump got my note and gift of a 10 ft mixture of pines spray I personally picked. I told him it is a little known secret by shoveling pine boughs up your ass, pinecones included,  will protect and cure one from getting corvid. I've not heard back yet.
And last , remember most of all....

67 comments:

  1. Pam's fashion regime reminds me of Iris Apfel. Minimalist. Apart from the peanut brittle, of course... Jx

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    1. Iris Apfel!!!!!! I'll take that. She gives us style to aspire to in old age.

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  2. Xmas never looked better 🀷‍♂️

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    1. You should see the flip side toots! πŸŽ„πŸ’‹πŸŽ„

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  3. Seeing Pam without a drink in one hand is a little like seeing her without a dick in the other. Love me some Pam Demic. Hers is the kind of holiday cheer I could use year 'round. I can't wait until you give voice to this creation of yours. She really is timely and to be cherished. Kizzes.

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    1. and let's face it, there is always one or the other in her hands at all times it seems.

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    2. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Im going to wet myself!

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    3. Oh poor Uptonking....you must really have low standards for the holidays to love Pam so much, lol!

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  4. The sad news is that you don't dress up to go to the opera any more, they'll even let you in wearing jeans! and oy, the costs of the seats - enough to go to the Maldives for a fortnight....and that's not at the Royal Opera House or the Met, that's just some crummy local theatre.

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    1. Warbucks took me to the Met once...we dressed. It was the only time I've been to the opera, but I wore the velvet opera gloves that day. I probably don't want to know what he paid for seats.

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    1. Pam Demic is like snow Debs...it beautifies all the men she covers!

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  6. ... and this, Ladies and Germs, it's how it's DONE. Pan Demic is a mood.
    Oh, and I lost it when you grabbed that bottle of Bombay and went for it. I literally choked in my my orange juice!

    XOXO

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    1. Are you sure you choked on orange juice??? And remember, Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree...it's the magic in it! Or on it?

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  7. I just wanna be one of Pam's drinkin' buddies.

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  8. Pam has made my day!

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  9. Just how much gin did you have last night???

    And your line of "I told him it is a little known secret by shoveling pine boughs up your ass, pinecones included, it will protect and cure one from getting corvid."

    I think he got your not and gift...probably why he is cranky today.

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    1. Cranky today? How can you tell a difference Norma?

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  10. I could have just about choked when I saw Pam used a tree skirt as a cape!

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaa. But don't you think your pamphlet tiles are a bit long?

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    1. They are long but I like people to know what they will be getting, why string them along

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  11. You really know how to get into the "spirits" of the season!

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  12. Oh I love a queen with fun and ingenuity! This had be in stiches today and I just happened to stumble upon you looking for something else. THOSE GLOVES WITH RINGS! Balls as earrings?!?! Tree skirt as a cape? And you drink? I like you already darling.

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    1. Oh Parker! Is that not fabulous! Thanks you for stopping in and do come back...for a cock-a-tail dear.We always have room for one more.

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  13. oh, i remember that terrible day when you knocked over Roselyn Kind into babs. a tad embarrassing. a horrible day. and didn't they tell you to keep the sugar plum costume?

    i hope you plan to wear something longer then a tree skirt as a skirt...your yule log will be hanging out the bottom.....

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    1. When isn't that yule log hanging out?

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    2. Oh yes, I still have the costume, it comes on handy on novelty nights at the Casa!

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  14. Im am shocked that the last pamphlet for Thanksgiving, 30 Ways to Make Those Thanksgiving Left-Overs Last in A Pandemic and Crafting, didn't sell better Pam? But I must say you certainly have a colorful background. Love the cape, love your hair....

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    1. I still have a few more pamphlets up my sleeve...... or skirt.

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  15. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have loved to have seen you go in with cameras and taped the White House party!!!!!! Wait till they would have got a load of you Pam!!! I still love those gloves!

    And the whole Lorna Luft and Roslyn Kind story had me rolling!

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  16. This did bring some comfort and joy to me today!!!! Pam Demic...always safe and some what fashionable! And I have learned, like the Mistress, never empty handed!!! I had no idea you hung out with the like of Lorna and Rosyln? I guess you all live in the shadows of your more infamous sisters?

    That hat and wig is cracking me up too. But the rings!!!!!!You know I like bling.

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    1. Oh Im full of surprises dear, just you wait.

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  17. Miss Pumpkin12/11/2020

    Keep this up and Ill have you on the fire engine with Santa this week.

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    1. I like hot firemen!!!!!!πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯I like their hoses even more! That reminds me of the pamphlet I did two years ago. Fun Tips and Games with A Firemen on A Dreary Rainy Day and Then Some, and How to Net One.

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  18. WERK THAT CAPE HENNY!!!

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  19. "If I go wassailing with the neighbor ladies you just may be praying to hear Mariah Scary screeching that song of hers" NO!!!!! I think I could stand you over her!!!

    No go work that cape and gloves with your bad self.

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  20. IM DYING!!! Pam you are just to much cheer for our own good! If you wore that out, I'd go caroling with you just to see everyone's reactions, bwahahahahahaha! But I'd love to see a tree on your head!!!!

    And your trump gift was perfect. He probably enjoyed the pinecones going in.

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    1. I love a good tree hat, but the stories that brings to mind.....

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  21. Im going to tell Santa your on the naughty list Pam!!!!

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    1. Oh dear, he knows, he already knows....it's where I am every year.

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  22. I am freaking loving this!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I want some pamphlets!!!!!

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  23. Now we need a picture of Pam Demic in the sugarplum costume!!!!!

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  24. I simply love you!!! You are hysterical with these looks and gloves and stories!!!! We need these times in such depressing times. But I sure hope no balls were injured in the making of this post???

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    1. Well, I did sit one one by accident.....

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  25. Oh Mistress I love, you never disappoint when it comes to a good read.

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    1. πŸŽπŸŽ„πŸŽπŸŽ„πŸŽπŸŽ„πŸŽπŸ’‹

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  26. Well, gin is alcohol, so it should kill the virus.

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  27. If you keep up this look Pam, you'll be hired as the Mall Mrs. Santa Claus. Mind you, a drunk one.

    The cocktail and gloves still never disappoint.

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  28. I will raise my glass of double martini to toast in your honor!!!

    The hair and cape is working girl!

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  29. GORGEOUS, darling! gin kills all the nasty germs!

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    1. It's why I will probably live to 110!

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  30. Barbra also threw up in Roslyn's costume when they were kids. That's why Roslyn hates her. I think Trump took your suggestion. His waddle is more pronounced than usual. Or maybe it's because he shit his pants when the supreme court didn't make him the president.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I think he shits himself pretty frequently... I can't imagaine the poor white house staff and how many drawers they have had to launder. But that SCOTUS was pretty funny!

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  31. You can rock anything! Even with half a Christmas tree on your head.
    Sx

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    1. You should have been here for my Thanksgiving show one year called Gobble Gobble. I wore a whole turkey on my head complete with the trimmings.

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  32. You could give Little Edie a run for her money. I, on the other hand, not only don't have a Santa hat, a sprig of holly, a Christmas stocking, or even a pair of stockings.

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    1. It doesn't surprise me then that your sugarplums and yule log are out of display. What does San Geraldo leave his little Christmas gift in for you then?

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  33. Fabulously funny as always!

    A word of advice though: don't try the jingle bell necklace and bracelets thing when in England - you may be mistaken for a Morris Dancer.

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    1. Nice point, but I'd die before being caught in those outfits. I'd sooner put the sugarplum thing back on.

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  34. You are stunning!! And I love Lorna Luft. I loved her in Grease 2. She was my favorite of the "Calendar Girls"--best costume!! Loved when Johnny told her to be winter!!

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    1. OMG!!!!! I haven't seen that in ages. I forgot she was in that. I have to see that again. And this drag is only nonsense, but thank you cutie.

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  35. hohoho you are better than any Santa's elf or Yule Lad

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    1. I shall bring you a surprise for under your tree!

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  36. Well, done! Brava!!
    Saw Lorna in concert - - - SHE's the sibling with the voice. Holy shit, can that woman sing. Saw Roslyn once in concert once, as well. The poster promoted her as "BARBARA Streisand's Sister" LOL. She did okay, the thing that hurts her: the phrasing is forced in an effort to set her apart from Babs. You know, the poor thing was told, "We don't need another Barbra." Excuse me? I'd take all the Barbra I could get!!! LOL.

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!