It's finally here!!!! My time to rid myself of these god damned tacky, stained filled and germ-infested things!!!!! As our dear Jon stated, we're surprised that Greta Thunberg hasn't gotten involved yet with ridding the planet of these things! As I stated earlier, I won them from Ms. Scarlet's caption competition. When they arrived, they were in such a beautiful box, little did I know what was actually in the box. I thought I had forgotten I ordered something from Italy. But no...it was the shorts. Here is the box and a lovely written note in Ms Scarlet's lovely penmanship.
Now, to see what the competition is all about, and its history please see the previous post for details. Here are a few of the outtakes that ended up on the cutting room floor.
NOW BEHOLD....without further ado... The 2022 Freakin'Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!!!!
Put on your thinking caps, sharpen your tongue, and throw some shade, if need be, and simply cast your perfect caption for the above picture!!!! You can enter as many captions as you want for up to one week, at which time, the contest will close and I will then pick a sucker, oh, I meant winner, yes winner, for the shorts to carry on a famous and legendary blogging tradition of the bloggerati. If you place a caption in the comments section and don't want to win the shorts, just add "do not enter" after your caption, but we can still get a good chuckle from your caption at least. After the week, one winner will be chosen for the shorts, bragging rights, bwhahahahaha, and the title of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Winner, and some souvenirs from my neck of the woods, and a non-blog owner will be chosen also to receive a little trinket of my adoration of you. And rest assure, I did NOT have sex in these!!!!
Good Luck to you all...now let the fun begin kids!!!!
Wait! Wait! I'll be back, I must see the previous post.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I just happened upon your blog, been reading various post for near four hours. A hoot! Fabulous darling. I need a huge snowstorm so I can read more.
Me again!!!!
Delete"Major Underwire Issues."
Tundra Bunny's first caption for your consideration... Santa wouldn't touch those FGES with his 10 foot North Pole!
ReplyDelete"Tinkerbell Gone Wrong"
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree, Ms. Scarlet has good taste in mailing parcel boxes.
HA HA HA HA HA
DeleteA professional. The Mistress may have tripped, but no split gin here.
ReplyDelete"You couldn't handle me, even if I came with instructions"
ReplyDeleteI'm roaring with that picture...and the outtakes! Your leg poses remind me of that of Lady Kier Kirby.
One size fits all my ass! You can suck in only so much, honey.
ReplyDeleteThey'd slide right down my legs! Im dwindling.
Delete"Aaaaiiieeee! It's too late for me, but save my shoes and gin from the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts!" - [Do not enter]
ReplyDeleteYay! The FGES Caption Competition is finally here!! Maddie, or should I say Pam, you have done the history of the 'Shorts proud. And, unsurprisingly, your gams look much better in fishnets than mine did.
P.S. 'Do not enter' sounds like a gay version of 'Do not resuscitate'. You know, like one's pipsqueak* might not be capacious enough to accept... 'visitors', let's just say.
Delete* Because one does have a pipsqueak, you know, and not a billowing binbag.
Omggggg living for the photos!!!!
ReplyDeleteXoXo
Sixpence
Do not enter. Just wanted to comment that, judging by those outtakes, you've got great legs.
ReplyDeleteYou have much better legs than I, my darling. I'm thinking about my caption. I'll be back.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Sorry, but I have to ask, did they come with a set of black wings? Or is that a boa trying to run away? (Not an entry).
ReplyDeleteThose would only fit me if I posed with them pulled down to my ankles.
ReplyDeleteTry crisco, the Mistress did!
DeleteShoes off! Everyone into The Gincuzzi!
ReplyDelete*Do not enter* We all know I've been there, done that, and got the Shorts.
Mistress Maddie: Hey, Sailor! I've been waiting for you. For some reason my key isn't working in the lock.
ReplyDeleteConfused Homeowner: Umm, I think you have the wrong add...Wait! Are those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts!? Please, come right in!
*scrambles frantically to fish keys out of ever-constricting pocket*
Please disregard the previous post from "Anonymous" with the same text. I didn't realize I wasn't logged in. I very much want to win the slinky stinkies.
ReplyDeleteMistress Maddie: Hey, Sailor! I've been waiting for you. For some reason my key isn't working in the lock.
Confused Homeowner: Umm, I think you have the wrong add...Wait! Are those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts!? Please, come right in!
*scrambles frantically to fish keys out of ever-constricting pocket*
I really oughta diet to get into these - they've gotta be size 0
ReplyDeleteFrustrated Homeowner: Excuse me. Could you please get off my porch? You're scaring away the other trick-or-treaters. And aren't you a little old to be dressing up for Halloween?
ReplyDeleteMistress Maddie: Who says I'm wearing a costume?
FHO: That's it! I'm calling the...Wait! Are those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts? Sorry, kids, we just ran out of candy!
*flings bowl of fun-sized candy bars to the restless mob, grabs Maddie by the hand, slams door shut behind them and turns off porch light*
Hell mistress, I'd be happy if I just won those heels! That picture cracked me up. Now on to my caption..
ReplyDelete" Between the underwire issue, and the aching of the heels, the mistress needed a stiff one."
There’s nothing nicer than the rub of a green velour gusset whilst sitting on a cold doorstep with a bottle of bubbly, and a pair of sore feet!
ReplyDeleteDo not enter!
Excellent post Mistress M, you’ve done us proud.
Sxxx
"Pam Demic keeps her legs crossed in order to prevent the release of something worse than COVID!" - [Do not enter]
ReplyDeletegood one. we shutter thinking about that.
DeleteTundra Bunny here... Your photos reminded me of Betty Paige, so I'm going retro for this entry:
ReplyDelete"Hubba, Hubba. Ding, Ding. Pam Demic's got everything!"
Ow! Dammit! I sat on my bells again!
ReplyDeleteBwah hah hah ha haaaaa!!!
DeleteSomething I do often too.
Delete" Hark!!! The herald angel gets ready to sing?"
ReplyDeleteYou have lovely legs darling! I'm sure the bears and coyotes would be fascinated by the smell of the FGS. I wouldn't dare leave you on my porch very long! [Comment only, not an entry]
ReplyDeleteI'm a mean, green mistress from the USA and I'm bad!
ReplyDelete♫ "And I'm bad (Mean, green, bad)" ♫
DeleteHaha! You got it!
DeleteI'm not here for gifts, only to warn you that the silicone's leaking.
ReplyDeleteBwhahahahahahahahahahahahaaha!!!!!!!!
DeleteA good one!
DeleteLMAO!
Delete"The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts give Pam Demic an eye-watering wedgie following her gin-addled decision to try them on." - [Do not enter]
ReplyDeleteYou guys are cooking with gas today in the comments!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou look like my Fairy Godmother after trying to keep me out of trouble for the week.
ReplyDeleteAfter Peter Pan was filmed, Tinkerbell really hits Skid Row.
ReplyDeleteAll you need is faith, gin, pixie dust, and Freakin"Green Elf Shorts.
ReplyDeleteThose pictures are a hoot! Look at those gams! And the gloves never cease to crack me up.
ReplyDeleteHello I'm the Happiness Elf. I've sprinkled happy dust on you, now smile damn it. This shit is expensive.
Do not enter for shorts. I couldn't take all the excitement.
"Would you prefer some gin, or a nice pump?" (not an entry, although if I won I suppose you could award the prize to Deedles.)
ReplyDeleteHiya, Lurkster! Don't do me any favors! I don't blog and don't have the wit so I'm safe from somewhat skanky shorts.
DeleteI think someone should put that freakin' elf back on his shelf before any more bells are crushed. [do not enter]
ReplyDeleteAss 10, tits, 3!
ReplyDeleteWhat did I just sit on? Cali Boi?
ReplyDeleteIs that a snake in your shirt, or were you just happy to see us?
ReplyDeleteyes yes yes !
ReplyDeleteI just had to come back and read some of these. What a crack up!!!!
ReplyDelete"If you can't stand the Freakin Green Elf Shorts, then sit down. With a gin of course."
Ariel, the gin and regret years.
ReplyDeleteBwahahahahaha!!!!!!
DeleteGood one Ms Deedles, lmao!!!!
DeleteAll right, here's my entry:
ReplyDeleteThere once was a fellow named Maddie
And if you were a fine pool boy he'd have ye
And when he was done
In his tacky green elf shorts he'd tuck away his 14 inch one
And that was fun for our Maddie!
14 inch one.oh...i see you have met Maddie then?
DeleteSadly, I have not met him in person, but I have a vivid imagination.
DeleteThe Mistress...when she's had too much gin and turkey.
ReplyDeleteDon't screw with me henny, I have a heel, a bottle in my hand, and am wearing Freakin Green Elf Shorts!!!
ReplyDelete