AND THE FGES WINNER IS....

Doesn't houseboy Puck look cute modeling the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts for the winner???

The caption competition came and went, and we ended up with around 61 comments and lots of chatter. There was quite a few excellent comments and some that had me laughing out loud, only to be followed with do no enter.

Some of the honorary mentions.

Mahogany Empress- "Tinkerbell Gone Wrong"

Midnight Magpie-"You couldn't handle me, even if I came with instructions."

*makes mental note to get that on a tee shirt*

Rimpy Rimpington-Frustrated Homeowner: Excuse me. Could you please get off my porch? You're scaring away the other trick-or-treaters. And aren't you a little old to be dressing up for Halloween?

Mistress Maddie: Who says I'm wearing a costume?

FHO: That's it! I'm calling the...Wait! Are those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts? Sorry, kids, we just ran out of candy!

*flings bowl of fun-sized candy bars to the restless mob, grabs Maddie by the hand, slams door shut behind them and turns off porch light*

Inexplicable DeVice-"Pam demic keeps her legs crossed in order to prevent the release of something worse than COVID!"

Normadesmond-"Im not here for the gifts, only to warn you the silicone's leaking."

Duchess Deedles- "Ariel,the gin and regret years."

Mistress Maddie's #1 Fan- "Ass 10-Tits -3"

Oh.... now houseboy Lukus wants to model the Freaking Green Elf Shorts!

And now, the time has come to lip synch FOR YOURRRRRR LIFE, and don't fuck it...oh opps, wrong show. And now the honorary, non-blog winner goes to Tundra Bunny with this comment "Santa wouldn't touch those FGES with his 10 foot North Pole." Congrats Tundra and thanks for playing!!!! 

Now for the Grand winner of the Legendary Freakin' Green Elf Shorts, bragging rights, hosting of the next Freakin' Green Elf Shorts competition, not to mention the entrance into a league of a few and utterly crazy bloggerati from around the globe, and a trove of little souvenirs from my neck of the Planet goes too.....

Janie Junebug!!!!!!!!! 

Congratulations girl!!!!! You're the winner of the next leg of this blog tradition!!!!!! And the protector and attend of the all powerful Freakin" Green Elf Shorts!!!!! Her winning comment-

There once was a fellow named Maddie

And if you were a fine pool boy, he'd have ye

And when he was done

In his tacky green elf shorts he'd tuck away his 14 inch one

And that was fun for our Maddie! 

If for some reason Janie Junebug can't fulfill her title, then the second runner up will then be crowned the winner, that of Rimpy Rimpington, will then be crowned the freakin winner to fill the title.

Congrats to Janie and Tundra Bunny... and when you two get a chance email me at mistressborghese@yahoo.com so I can get your address for mailing the parcels...especially Janie, I can't wait to unload these shorts fast enough!!!!! Now just to be clear, the houseboys don't come with the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.

Enjoy and Goodnight!!!

THE FREAKIN'GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION

 
 It's finally here!!!! My time to rid myself of these god damned tacky, stained filled and germ-infested things!!!!! As our dear Jon stated, we're surprised that Greta Thunberg hasn't gotten involved yet with ridding the planet of these things! As I stated earlier, I won them from Ms. Scarlet's caption competition. When they arrived, they were in such a beautiful box, little did I know what was actually in the box. I thought I had forgotten I ordered something from Italy. But no...it was the shorts. Here is the box and a lovely written note in Ms Scarlet's lovely penmanship. 

Now, to see what the competition is all about, and its history please see the previous post for details. Here are a few of the outtakes that ended up on the cutting room floor.

NOW BEHOLD....without further ado... The 2022 Freakin'Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!!!! 

Put on your thinking caps, sharpen your tongue, and throw some shade, if need be, and simply cast your perfect caption for the above picture!!!! You can enter as many captions as you want for up to one week, at which time, the contest will close and I will then pick a sucker, oh, I meant winner, yes winner, for the shorts to carry on a famous and legendary blogging tradition of the bloggerati. If you place a caption in the comments section and don't want to win the shorts, just add "do not enter" after your caption, but we can still get a good chuckle from your caption at least. After the week, one winner will be chosen for the shorts, bragging rights, bwhahahahaha, and the title of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Winner, and some souvenirs from my neck of the woods, and a non-blog owner will be chosen also to receive a little trinket of my adoration of you. And rest assure, I did NOT have sex in these!!!!

Good Luck to you all...now let the fun begin kids!!!!

FGES-GIRD YOUR LOINS

Yes...we are still up and out on the Cape of P-town...but while away, this is your special preview issue, details of the soon to be held Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition!!!! I know some of you are aware of the flea ridden, stained, and yet, fashionable shorts are all about. For those that don't, here is a basic history for how all this hoopla started.  The legend of these Freakin' Green Elf Shorts began in Ohio in 2004 when Andrea Knapp bought a pair of novelty Elf Shorts for her husband, George as a gag gift. (And when I received them, I did just that.)  For a laugh, Andrea then decided to turn it into a caption competition, not thinking ANYONE would want to win them...and the rest is Blogging history all these years later, with the damn shorts traveling all over the globe!!! As Ms. Scarlet, a past winner, twice, the poor thing, said, "The general idea of the Freakin'Green Elf Shorts Competiton is to post a photo of yourself on your blog wearing THE SHORTS. Whoever comes up with the best caption to the photo wins The Shorts. The current holder of THE SHORTS, then sends them to the sucker lucky winner and a few souvenirs from their country. An in-depth history of the Shorts can be found here, thanks to Rimpy Rimpington and the Mistress MJ.

Some Q&A

What do I have to do to win? You take a good long look at the photo I will post soon, and create a caption that will take my breath away, or leave me wet, hopefully not in the shorts, with laughter. You will post your comment in the comments section. Once the contest ends, I will choose a poor sucker winner.

May I leave more than one comment? Yes!!!! For all I care you can come back every hour and comment if you want!!

What happens if I win? RUN and move quick!!! Surely, I jest. Should you win, Ill send you the shorts and along with some souvenirs from my neck of the wood or country. The best part, you will have the shorts, and then you have to take a photo of yourself and host the next caption competition on your blog.

What if I don't have a blog or website? Well... as my crush du jour, that tall glass of water, Mr. DeVice says. No, you can't win and are shit of luck. But being the easy laid-back sport I am, I know I have many readers who don't have a blog. So... I will also pick a winner to send a little trinket of my affection too, who leaves the best comment from someone who doesn't have a blog, so you too can par-take in the fun...and doge the bullet of these stained shorts. Just what these previous bitches did with these things is beyond me? But the winner of the Freakin Green Elf Shorts and souvenirs must have a blog.

What if I don't want to win The Shorts, but I want to comment a caption anyhow? You may go head and leave a caption, and just say you don't want to be entered in the contest. But it's beyond me why anyone wouldn't want these damn frickin shorts.

Some of the past winners....

Ms. Scarlet...whom I won them from. She was even cheeky enough to post me not in the real Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. You can also see my winning caption.

Mr.DeVice...a twice winner also. I still wonder how he kept his junk from hanging out from under those flaps?

Mistress MJ who was brave enough to place them over her head. She hasn't been right since. At least she isn't wearing crocs yet.

Rimpy Rimpington, our historian of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts and past winner. I understand shortly after this snap he was arrested for indecent exposure. We are just at the wrong angle to see the dangle of such delights.

And our dear Eros Wing who it seems, didn't need to wear them. As far as I'm concerned, he can just keep the hat and boots on!!!! Lose the shorts lambchop!!! Eros once said he was 6' 11" tall. I said to him, Well, never mind the 6'. Let's talk about the 11".

So stay tuned kids!!!! Refer back to this post again if need be...and watch this space in a day for the photo of yours truly to be posted!!!! Warm them minds and sharpen them tongues!!!!