Wednesday, December 8, 2021

AUNTIE MAME


When I was little and all through into my adulthood, I'd say the three biggest role models and figures who shaped me were my maternal grandmother, who passed on to me how to be forgiving, kind to everybody, no matter what, and be charitable and generous. My Mother, who passed on her smart and wise cracking mouth. My mother is soooo Debbie Novotny from Queer as Folk, only more polished. And then my favorite aunt, Barbara, who I think I get my feisty, outspokenness and eccentrics from. Sadly, on Sunday morning I got a call from the mother, telling me my aunt had been taken to the hospital with hernia issues she had been fighting with for some time, had gotten worst. But before the procedure, which was to be on Monday, her blood pressure suddenly dropped drastically, stopping her heart and she sadly passed away late Saturday evening. It came as a complete shock, Needless to say we are all a bit sad. I've had a few good cries already.


For me, as a gay fruitcake, when I say she was Auntie Mame, I mean it! My aunt was nuts, colorful and lively. If Auntie Mame and Maude Findley had a baby the result would be my aunt. I have such fond memories of her since we use to visit them when they lived in a huge Victorian in Westfield NJ. I was always one to hang around her or my grandmothers apron strings while they were in the kitchen. It was probably a miracle she was still here, as when she was young, went sledding in the winter once, and she went right under a car while it was moving and only got a scar from it!!! Not to mention had seven kids. She and my uncle met in Carlise at a dance, even though they were there with other dates. He went to give her his number, but she had left before he could give it to. Weeks later, a good friend gave her the number and they were married the next 65 years. When she entered nursing school, it was there that she and my uncle got married... but kept it secret for two years, as back then, you couldn't be married and in nursing school. But she was determined to stay in school and finish. It wasn't till she graduated that she revealed to all she and my uncle were married. Life then took them to Alaska for two years, with my uncle being in the service. Being cultured she hated it. She always said Alaska is no place for a woman. Once the first babe came, they moved from there to New Jersey and stayed for years till they moved back to Harrisburg after the nest went empty and my uncle retired from teaching physics.

And man could she cook. If you could make it at home, she wouldn't buy it. Store bough baked goods? Piff. She baked bread daily right up to this Thanksgiving. Cakes, cookies, pastries you name, made from scratch. She'd die before buying ready-made pie crust.  She had every Julia Child cookbook and Julia was her idol. She aced every recipe, and she even met her twice on two social occasions in NYC. To this day I have many of my aunt's recipes and will always treasure them. It is she who gave me my love of cooking. You can see why I faced with trepidations cooking this year's Thanksgiving dinner for her. But she said it was excellent, so it meant a lot. I am thankful we had this one last dinner together. My aunt is also the family historian on my mother's side. She had the memory of an elephant. And luckily, I do too.

I also credit my aunt for my love of all things culture. My love of art, music and museums, they would often take me into NYC to view such earthly delights. She adored New York City. Right at my teens years, at 13, she was credited as letting me taste my first gin and tonic at the Algonquin Hotel. She created a gin monster kids! She was overjoyed when her youngest, got a position as lead violaist with the New York Philharmonic, before going on to the Philly Orchestra and then the Chattanooga Symphony. She and my uncle were still members of the New York Phil, Philly Orch, and Chattanooga symphonies, The Met, and The Metropolitan Museum of Art. They always gave to the local PBS station here and were good members of our local classical radio station. Art was very, very important to her.

As was politics. Oh LORD!!! She could not take even a liberal republican, or even a conservative Democrat.  So, I feel as though on the day she passed, the same day as Bob Dole died, she arrived at the pearly gates with him, and gave him a huge rant! She was famous for having a stiffener and going off on Julia Sugarbaker rants. The newspapers loved her. She and my uncle are as liberal as one can get. I mean, I am 90% sure they still smoked weed here and there.  She had no time for right wing conservative bullshit and having church or politicians telling anyone what to do with their bodies or how to live. But she would sit and talk to anyone no matter what party. She would love good debate. I think that's why she liked my ex who was in politics. Right up till the end, she was on the fresh tip of everything. And she disregarded anyone who was racist or a bigot.

She and my uncle I also credit as passing on my love for the planet. The environment and nature and gardening were loves of hers. She taught me to slow down and take it all in. She instilled in me and her own children to tend to the earth and give back. I do think like myself, the current condition of the earth got her depressed at times. Of course, another thing... my aunt would never be seen in public in pants. I never saw her in pants. Till she passed on at 90, she only ever wore skirts and medium size heels, flowy blouses, and long tailored dusters. And hats.  And she could be eccentric. Some, things were outrageous. It might be a bit much to go to the farmers market with an ostrich feather handbag in one hand and her huge wicker market basket in the other. Or wear about 20 bangles, or wear a man's pork pie hat in the winter! Right before she stopped smoking, she used one of those long cigarette sticks, before moving on to a pipe, and finally cigars. She ended up not smoking anything eventually. The men at the cigar shop must have though she was a hoot. And she was. She loved her happy hour too. To my knowledge she had a gin or two every evening, and also had a scotch as a nightcap before bed. And like auntie Mame never liked a cocktail shaken, she said it bruised the ice. I always called her Auntie Mame and she loved it. Just at Thanksgiving again, she reminded me that when I settle down again, to make sure I pick someone in the arts. She thinks that's why none of the other relationships worked out. She always said, "it will take a creative guy to be with such a fabulous queen" See why I loved her.

Needless to say, these don't even tip the iceberg with my memories of her or even all my traits I get from her. Her last wish was to have her body donated to science, which she is currently enroute to Philly. She said even dead, she hoped if she could be of help with a cause, why not? Science was also very important to her. She will then be cremated and sent back to us. We have a memorial planned for January when all her kids will arrive from Washington, California, Texas, New York, Tennesse, Massachusetts, Colorado, and my dear cousins from Chicago and Boston. Since her stunning rose garden was her pride and joy, my uncle will, with us all present, scatter her ashes through her rose gardens. Her one son has already booked a restaurant for us alone to enjoy a nice dinner in her honor, where no doubt, we will have copious amounts of stiffeners to toast her and talk of art and politics and even maybe enjoy a cigar. But boy, will the holidays be feeling a void without her with us. But she wouldn't want us to be sad. As the song from the movie went and as she would agree, she'd say live life.
55th Anniversary!

Open a new window, open a new door,
Travel a new highway, that's never been tried before.

57 comments:

  1. Such sad news, Mistress. Your Aunt Barbara sounds like a wonderful woman and a real force of nature. Clearly she helped make you the man you are today and I'm sure she was proud of that and you! So lovely that you were able to prepare Thanksgiving Dinner for her just a couple of weeks ago. My condolences for your loss, xoxoxoxo.

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    1. With the health declining for so reason, I felt for some reason this would have been the last Thanksgiving. Odd right? But Im glad we had a good memorable one.

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  2. What a nice tribute to a beautiful lady, inside and out. She left you with many happy memories. My heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

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  3. Sorry for your loss, hon. Our idols, divine... my heart to you and your family. Take comfort knowing... she lived, lived, lived! Kizzes.

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  4. For some odd reason after your one weekend post, I suspected something might be wrong. My goodness was your aunt a beautiful woman...and one that marched to her own drummer, which more should do. I know you adored your auntie, by all the times you have posted about her. You have my heartfelt condolences Mistress. I can see a lot of her influence in you.


    What a lovely tribute post to her.

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    1. Her eggnog recipe will taste extra special this year!

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  5. What a year of loss this has been.

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    1. Thank you Lurker! You have been missed. We like your pop ups when you appear.

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  6. That was positively stunning!

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  7. Someone I wish I could have known! I'm sure she is reading your words for her. Sweet sorrow.

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  8. What a tribute! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. "ostrich feather handbag in one hand and her huge wicker market basket in the other. Or wear about 20 bangles, or wear a man's pork pie hat in the winter! Right before she stopped smoking, she used one of those long cigarette sticks, before moving on to a pipe, and finally cigars"

    Now that is my kind of woman. She sounds like a tour de force.

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  9. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wasn't aware of this when you emailed me earlier tonight. :-(

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  10. A most heartwarming and beautiful tribute to a fabulous lady.
    I send my condolences to you and your family.xx

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    1. Thank you Christina! Your email was lovely.

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  11. Oh dear, this is another sucky year that needs to end. I know between two friends of yours, then Anne Marie and now this, you've had your fair share. Your aunt sure sounds like a hell of a modern woman for her time back then and even now. I send you well wishes dear friend.

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  12. OMG! I'm so sorry to hear this. I know she had a huge impact on your life.

    and the line "the same day as Bob Dole died, she arrived at the pearly gates with him, and gave him a huge rant! PRICLESS. Hopefully she'll seek out Anne Marie.

    Love you Mads

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  13. I'm almost in tears. Many of our own parents don't have that much impact let alone an aunt. She sounded fabulous. I always enjoyed your post from the holidays visiting with her. And she must have been an accomplished cook to follow and do correctly Julia Child recipes. My condolences Mistress. A very heart-rending post

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  14. That is incredibly sad. I read it over twice. I can see why your admired and loved her. She was quite the character. I bet your gathering were very lively. I think your planned memorial sounds wonderful and perfect. My sympathies to you and your mother.

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  15. Three powerful women you had to look up too...and all so different. So touching, I loved reading about your memories and moments with your Auntie Mame. This explains a lot. I'm sending you big and not letting go hugs.

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  16. Oh my, that is so sad. The post and your memories of her, and she herself is simply beautiful though. We could certainly use more like her. She could have written a bio!

    XOXO

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  17. My condolence to you Mistress. Hang in there my friend.

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  18. What wonderful memories you have of your wonderful aunt. For her sake, don't be too sad.

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  19. A heart-warming and sad read here today. She certainly had very forward views and hip thinking thoughts. May she long live! She certainly was very beautiful.

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  20. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a fabulous woman your "Auntie Mame" was, and what a wonderful tribute to her you've written here.

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  21. So sorry for the news. What a beautiful tribute to an inspiring woman. May she live on in you forever.

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  22. It's good to grieve but it's also good to remember all the fun and good times. Boy, do I wish I'd had an aunty like yours.

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  23. Oh Maddie, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ve written a wonderful tribute to such a force of nature. It sounds like she wouldn’t take anyone’s bullshit. You have certainly been blessed with her spirit. She will always be with you.

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  24. This is such a beautiful post.
    It shows you loved your auntie and that she was a positive influence in your life. So sad she passed. So happy that you have such great memories of her...

    XOXO

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  25. My condolences to you and your mother. I always count myself lucky when one has a crazy and colorful aunt like that. I also like she was good enough to talk to any person even if she didn't share their views. That is a class act and better than I. Especially when it comes to politics.

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  26. Very sad but beautiful post. I wish I had had aunts like that.

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  27. So sorry for your loss, but happy that you had her in your life and that she meant so much and you knew it and she knew it.

    xoxo

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  28. Oh, Madds, I'm so sorry for such a great loss. By the photos and the descriptions you give, she looks and sounds like my kind of person! Cherish the memories you made together! Warmest hugs!!

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  29. Please accept my condolences.

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  30. I'm so sorry for your loss. The love you had for her will live forever. Hugs! Let me know if you need anything.

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  31. Gulp. What a tribute! RIP, your lovely and awe-inspiring Auntie Mame. Jx

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    1. Im sure she is somewhere in fabulon already having a libation and giving someone a piece of her mind.

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  32. Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your dear Aunt, Mistress Maddie. She sounds like a terrific lady who definitely wasn't afraid to live her life her way. Consider yourself bunny-hugged!

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  33. I love this tribute... it is the epitome of my Aunt Peg (Margaret... Pearl to some...) was a gin drinking flapper of the Auntie Mame style... eccentric worldly wise and a love.

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    1. Welcome Deau and thank you for you kind words. Auntie Mame's are the best aren't they?

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    2. My favorite type of people... a bit mad cap and full of life. And total sympathy for such a loss of a great lady...

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    3. Your comment reminded me of my favorite quote from Alice In Wonderland Deau...

      The Mad Hatter-"Have I gone Mad?"

      Alice- "I'm afraid so. Your completely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."

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  34. I'm so sorry for your loss, sweetpea. Hold on to your good memories, you have my heart.xoxo

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  35. Hugs to you, Maddie. You will keep Auntie Mame in your heart forever.
    Sx

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  36. Sorry for your loss. She's sounds like a quite a woman and you wrote one helluva tribute.

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  37. A touching tribute, take care of yourself dear!

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  38. Thank you everybody for your kind words. We are all fine...but I think just getting over the shock of the quickness of things here. Your all dears.

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  39. So sad to hear this so close to Christmas... but what an unbelievable, adorable, moving post and tribute you wrote. She was a beauty. That first picture is beautiful and the one of her getting a cigar lit was funny.

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  40. Since I have been reading your blog, I've enjoyed your post on your aunt and uncle. And to be married 64 years is quite amazing! But still so very sad. And I love the smoking of pipes and cigar! You go Auntie Barbara!

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  41. Cap Chasen12/10/2021

    What a beautiful picture to open the post with.

    My condolences Mistress.

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  42. Sniff... I haven't seen or read something as sweet and sad. Very touching tribute. Count yourself lucky to have had a fun colorful auntie and role model. Of course this explains a lot when it comes to you.

    Hugs to you sweetie

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  43. Your Aunt was a Beauty and Intelligent, I liked best that she was Colorful and Nuts, the whole Package... I Loved hearing about her and I'm so sorry for your Loss Mads. You had some great Influencers in Life, that's Priceless!

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  44. What a post, what a woman! You have your aunt to thank for such a colorful side. Count yourself lucky to had had such a great and swell family with love and support.

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  45. My condolence to you and your family on the loss of a great lady and aunt. I know she was a patron of the arts.

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!