SPILLED TEA- SNATCH

Good grief girls. This season feels like one long bad sex session with a lousy partner, named Old Smokey that won't stop, a bed from which I can't emerge.  Not a joke, just a fact. This season started on January 1. However, this season has been a bit of a conundrum for viewers due to it's rather slow, slagging pace...especially when compared to the fast passed, high glitz, well put together queens of Drag Race UK . It could be just me, but Ru and Michelle almost come across enjoying the UK girls more?  March marks the third month since the season stomped onto out screens in high heels, and yet only five contestants have heard the dreaded "sashay away" farewell from Ru. Which might not be a bad thing. On the last episode did Ru, who stopped Kandy Muse in her tracks from her "sashaying away, really say she wasn't ready for her to leave yet? A better question might be, is RuPaul wearing beer goggles this season, or is she getting cataracts?

After a fever dream of a fun mini challenge in which Tina Burner wins for shaking that ass... and we finally get a glance of the Pit Crew.

 I am right there with Michelle. I was  like...

So..let's talk the good stuff. This show... it was finally the New Years of Drag event's....

We were treated to the usual scenes of Ru asking the queens about their Snatch plans...and those same queens started squirming and deciding they're going to prove the Queen wrong. Yes. I'm looking at you Olivia, Elliott, Tina and Utica. Have some of these bitches never watched the show? I still say there needs to be a rule who they can do. Every year, most of them pick the damnest people you never heard of. With thousands of well knowns...why in hell do they pick such low key reality stars??? Over the years, the challenge has shifted away from picking traditional celebrities, and I'm not sure why. High level celebrities are essentially caricatures already, making them good choices, and those who pick widely known people, or characters often win the Snatch Game episode. This season wasn't the worst, but not the best either. I probably could have ate the kodak film and shit a better Snatch Game though.

Kandy elects to yet again go after a tried and true strategy...find the most Kandy Muse adjacent person and use them as a vehicle to let her shine, but it landed flat for me. Silky, Sasha and Roxxxy all did it, and all to great success, but all Kandy did was wolf down half a banana (Sixpense would have taken the whole thing) peel and all, in a single bite..need I say more? We know she likes to eat. But she didn't do as bad as poor Olivia who Kandy ate right up. 

Olivia. Poor, poor, Olivia. Unfortunately, any and all excitement surrounding her performance ended with her introduction.

Symone. Historical figure are always good, and tough to pull off, but Symone's choice to do Harriet Tubman was insane, but she actually pulled it off, in fact, with her damn funny impersonation, combine with her main stage runway, I'm surprised she wasn't in the top...but only safe???? 

If Gottmik hadn't done Paris Hilton, I would have personally hunt her down and beaten her ass with a stiletto. Let's face it...when it comes to entertaining, Gottmik's wheel house is about as limited as Donald Trumps good taste. Bitch nailed Paris in every aspect, and she by far was one who showed up correctly for this game hunty.  She looked incredible.

Rose choose Mary of Scots.  The fact that half the queens and production didn't know who she was and had to pull a Renaissance painting as a reference photo, made this choice instantly worth with. I was living for her "Mary living in current times" schtick, and the mumbled Scottish-dialect. Rose' sails to a very solid performance,  and with her main stage runway, I feel should have won the whole show. Rose keeps getting stronger I think.

Did anyone expect this to go well? I didn't think so.  Elliott choose Rue McClanahan, which confused me from the beginning. Rue never was an over the top or memorable actor with personalities traits to impersonate. But her characters she played did. I don't know why she just didn't play Blanche and be done with it. Needless to say,  it crashed and burned quicker then Golden Palace did. And for us, the deeply one note act didn't pay off, and with her lousy runway of a Flamingo, and an insult to flamingos every where, she was told to sashay away. On a bad night thought, I'd still probably tap him. As long as I have a ball gag for his mouth.

Utica and her Bob Ross. It was a more worst disaster then the Hindenburg. Moving on.

Tina this week was safe...barely. She choose to do Richard Simmons. This should have been in her wheelhouse, but I think she failed terrible in the part. I think Tina's time is coming to leave soon. And no offense, but that hair didn't even look like Richards Simmons' hair. I got more Nina West with a bad wig day. No offense Nina dear.

Denali. Let's me hear it. I was not a fan of her Snatch Game and the drag felt like to me so-so, but she did at least landed the jokes. But this was not a win for me. Her days of safe will probably end this week, unless Utica really fucks things up. Lesbe honest, I just am not feeling Denali as a queen. Her drag bothers me. But as a boy, I could see many, long hot steamy nights in the bed!!!!

Then it was on to the main stage. Category is:Fascinating Fascintors! And if you know me you know I love a nice chapeau, fascinator or anything to do with head .And I can't lie. my favorite runway look was Rose"

I know I've had it up to here with her petals and crinoline and such, but I feel she really nailed her figure on this one...and I was wetting myself for that rose bloom hat! Hell, I'd wear that to go to the market in!

Of course the EF Hutton moment came, once again in the form of Symone. Not only did she look jaw dropping, STUN-NING hunty, and  statuesque, but when she turned with her message of Say Their Names...I thought we were looking at a third win.

Didn't hate Kandy's runway, and it was nice to see Olivia look her age for once. As the show continues she must be the Benjamin Buttons of the show. We had enough of the old looks. 

As many failures as Utica has had in challenges, she is still one of my favorite queens, and I know this bitch can perform...hence her entertaining lip synch last week. Bitch may be wacky, but she knows how to bend and use that body like Yvie Oddily. But with her downward trajectory, I think the sun is setting on Miss Utica. I had high hopes for this Minnesota queen. I think she has at least one or two more shows till she bites the dust. I still think she'll place 6 or 5th. No denying...she has had some of the most memorable runways this season. While I like a typical fascinator, Utica was as weirdly creative as expected, and I actually did like this look.

Meanwhile and not surprising,  Elliott and Utica land in the bottom. Luckily, Utica is up against Elliot and not say, Kandy. Kandy would have clean Utica like a chicken wing. I do feel Utica is a good performer, and to our luck, I think the judges are quite frankly tired as hell of Elliott at this point. So it was a relief to see Elliott exit. But she gave us some moments. Who could forget that hilarious time she went and did...um, well, you know, that hmmmm, well, nothing quite springs to mind. Bye Felicia!!!! I'm sure Denali or Utica will join you this week.

But my favorite queen of the week and runway was from Awhora on the UK race. I was shitting over this look she did!

And now darlings....in honor of Gottmik and Paris Hilton....