Monday, June 22, 2009

Paris Hilton's New BFF- I Think NOT!



OH.MY.GOD! I don't think the Mistress was ever so appalled in her life! I'm not sure whether she is more appalled by the skank asshat herself Paris Hilton, or the Boy-Toy for watching her ass! I choose the first choice, since he is the love of my life, but this is the only pass he gets! I just saw Paris Hilton's My New BFF and all I can say is what a bunch of colossal failures and skanks! This whole show is like a damn train wreak! And why anyone would want to watch this mess of a show is beyond me. I don't know if I should feel sorry for the asshat-testants or Paris. When I first saw Paris on this deathly painful episode, I was so appalled, I dropped a perfectly refreshing gin and tonic right out of my hands. How old is the skank again? I tell you, she is a insult to every delicacy of my nature! Paris who is suppose to be a socialite, and I do use the term extremely lightly, is running around like a 15 year old Hello Kitty spokes model with a damn tiaria on her wind tunnel of a head. And that voice is enough to make the Mistress drink even more. So I did. And you know what? It didn't get any better or funny the more drunk I got! And the things she puts them through to be her slave. It's like making cirrus poodles jump threw hoops. I don't know where they found such desperate whores to be on the show, running around with their whats gone sours showing for the whole world to see. But of coarse that's what Paris wants apparently. No accounting for taste here. On the next show she has the asshat-testants tear into a giant cupcake for I guess a food fight, and then for kicks she hoses them down with water. WTF IS THIS ABOUT? Anywho, on this same show she has all the kiss-assers entertain her friend who is getting married , and they are to make all his wishes come true. But then after the party,Paris finds out two of the sluts got down and dirty with her friend, and she acts all shocked by their behavior, and they both get the ax from her. Excuse me, but does Miss Rode Hard and Put Away Wet remember hanging with best friend and fellow loser Lindsay Lohan? And what about the hideous,train wreck, breeding video the succubus made with that poor sucker,and then "accidentally" leaked to the press? She is the last one who should be throwing stones at glass houses! And even worse was when one one of the rest stop looking hookers made a comment about being on the show. "This experience will be the best thing to happen to all of us the rest of our lives." Dear, if you think that,you really don't have high expectations do you? In all fairness, the only two who need to take the Mistress's advice is the gay kid Stephen, and one of the girls, I think Amanda, and RUN little ones! Get out now before it's too late! And it gets worse. The house their in looks like the Malibu Barbie House, plus it looks like Strawberry Shortcake threw up all over it! And at the judging, Paris has this hair-do that at first looks like Uma Thurman's Poison Ivy, (she could only be so lucky to look like that, the poor child.) But it turns out it is a bow made of hair.



How old are we again? Just look at her in the picture above! Feel free to print, cut, and then place on a dart board for some family fun! The only people to get away with wearing this should be drag queens. And God forbid she talk right. She abbreviates lots of words like she is texting. Don't get me started on that one. I'm exhausted with this rant. I'm on the verge of collapse. So enough about this waste of semen. I now need to go get another gin and tonic to calm myself. And hey Paris if you see this-TTYN darlin' !

9 comments:

  1. Coco de Mere6/22/2009

    Mistress, I am in tears I'm laughing so hard!!! I can't stand her either. I think the only one in the family with any sense is Nikki Hilton. Even the mother is a mess if you ask me! I would and could never sit through this show, but I can understand the drinking through it! LOL!

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  2. It's enough to make me want to check into the Marriott!

    She is a waste of skin if you ask me!

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  3. I am cracking up!!! What a mess this family is... Conrad did give millions to charity, but still....

    I want to watch the show with you, the Boy Toy and some cocktails.

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  4. Anonymous6/23/2009

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  5. The only reason I'm glad you watched it is for us to be able to read this hilarious rant! You outdid yourself!

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  6. Hate her.
    Loathe her.
    Think she is a waste of space.
    Asshat.


    Yeah, asshat.


    that's all.

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  7. oh Maddie...you are such a catty bitch!!!

    but I do have to agree...I cannot stand PH...I can't even bring myself to type her name. what a waste of DNA. but you know how the Boy Toy loves him some reality tv!!!!!

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  8. You are to funny. I have never heard a rant like this. Remind me not to get on your bad side!

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  9. THANK-YOU MISTRESS! I can't stand her either. What the hell makes her so famous anyway, except acting like a cheap slut. You wouldn't know the family was once a classy family anymore.

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!