Sunday, May 7, 2023

A MEMORIAL

 

Yesterday we were able to have some closure and a lovely memorial service on a beautiful if chilly afternoon, for my talented yet wildly and wickedly humorous cousin. We were always close as we were close in age to many of the others. He was the son of my late favorite aunt who was one of my role models. He passed on in September, a very unexpected and abrupt death, and one due to an exploded liver from cirrhosis, caused by a drink problem. He had been doing AA and counselling, but he kept the drinking so well hidden to everyone, when we had though he had it under control. We all agreed we wished we could have seen more signs or did more to help him. He was excellent at masking things. He thought of everyone else first... and made everyone laugh, even thought it was evident in the last days, he had been in a dark place. Darker than any of us knew. The family, his siblings, all 6, and their families from California, Texas, Washinton, Alaska, Colorado Mass, Maine, and DC, as well as friends and musicians from far and wide all showed up to join us. It was great hearing and sharing the stories we had not heard of him. We had no idea he was even in contact with friends from music school days still. Even two college friends attended. One of my uncle's students he taught at the time was even present. We held it in nature, at a park across the street from where my uncle Jack's house. We all came together to share our stories, the good and the bad and the sad, we listened to his music, drank ,ate, read favorite poems, and one friend of his even sang a song. The quartet he belonged too played his favorite... the Second movement of Beethoven's String Quartet, Opus 132. 


There was much laughter, which he would have loved, tears and hugs. New friendships made. I plan to keep in contract with a friend of his named Peter from Philadelphia. Robbie was quite something. He was an extremely talented violaist. He at 3, started on the violin, but found he liked the voila better. He once asked me if I knew why musicians in the voila section didn't get hemorrhoids. He replied, because all the assholes were in the violin section!!!! Just a touch of his sense of twisted humor. When it came to playing though he was the consummate professional. Always dressed to the nines...and played so precise. He played at most family weddings and at Christmas for the family.  He played and been the principal violist with the Haddonfield, Bridgeton, Delaware Symphonies and at times with the Philadelphia Orchestra. His longest tenure was with the Chattanooga Symphony for over 15 years. He was a graduate of the Manhattan School of Music, and then eventually got his master's in music at Temple University. On the other hand, he could be quite impish, a irrepressible, sharp wit, wickedly humorous and enormously creative.  Even twisted. He could make a room laugh or whine in shock. His jokes usually had the "ohhhh that was bad" punchlines or could take time to tell. He loved cooking, and often said he might have been a chef had he not went into music. His dinners were wonderful, but he was also famous for his food combinations...like a lettuce, mustard and peanut butter sandwich. One thanksgiving I remember him commenting on the turkey greased infuse onions that were left over in the roaster and telling him I'd give him 5 bucks to eat one. He gleefully crammed it in his mouth, drippings running down his chin. I gave him the 5 and he said he'd done it for free! And one never knew what jokes or stories would come up at the dinner table, to the dismay of my proper aunt. He also had the talent of making many feel they  were the most important person to him when you talked to him.
 

When he was in Chattanooga living, he got quite the reputation there, and in Nashville for not only his music but also a comic he used to draw for fun, became a second career. It went on for 8 years in the Pulse, a local paper, till he moved. The paper weekly ran his cartoons called Lockout Mountain under the name Trebor Redle, his name spelled backwards. He created a few me as well.  What could be said of his cartoons? One thing I can say is that one never, and I mean never, knew what he would come up with next. One thing was certain, they rarely failed to entertain if not force one to choke on your beverage mid sip when you saw one of. My first reaction to seeing one was What in the blood and stomach pills is this??? One lady present from the paper showed up and regaled, one of his visits to the paper, where Robbie dropped his trouser in the middle of the office and begun mooning everyone, including onlookers who happened pass the front doors. The building management wasn't to pleased she said, but explained it was a cost of doing business with him. Of course, everyone laughed. But then there was his volunteering to coach and teach kids music. Once moved back to Harrisburg he taught and instructed kids music lessons at no charge.  And a huge nature lover. I knew ashes would be divided up to anyone wanting to take some to spread in some of his old haunts, so I took packets of wildflower seeds for everyone...to be put in the ground with his ashes. I figured Wildflowers for his memory would be the perfect choice. It was also decided by the family that his viola that was custom made for him by a legendary viola maker would go back to its maker, who would then find a suitable steward to care and play its magical notes. I think Robbie would approve of the instrument getting another life and owner. I do know that somewhere in nature Robbie is playing his favorite Beethoven piece.

 I leave you with some of his comic works.

Here's a colorful interview link too.

34 comments:

  1. Wow, what a sense of humor and a man of so many talents. Such a shame. But wonderful that you were able to celebrate his life with friends and family.

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  2. I have no words of such a post. You give a great recount of a person. I think the way your family planned the memorial was creative and a good one. No need for a long-winded church service and pomp. Much more meaningful and way to give many closure. And parts of this had me laughing. That must run in the family!!!! But heart breaking to know the dark place he was in. Talented too. Chattanooga symphony is nothing to sneeze at, they've been up and coming. And the Philly Orchestra is certainly nothing to sneeze at.

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  3. A multi-faceted man!!! And looks like a classical musician!!! He sounds like quite the character. Those comics had me howling with laughter...but then I'm twisted too.

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  4. That was a beautiful memorial for your cousin. Clearly he was a man of talent, sensitivity and uniqueness. Handsome too. I think his cartoons are great. A sad loss for all who knew and loved him, I'm sure.

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  5. I had heard he passed from friends of mine from the symphony who knew him. He had quite a good reputation as a very precise and talented violaist. When we met, I think I told you of meeting him once at Hartwick College many years ago. I enjoyed his talk and performing, and later discussing music and literature with him that night. I had no idea of his comic side. Your life also was enriched by him being family. Your memorial sounds quite fitting and perfect. Rest in peace.

    ps...I think your family's decision to return the viola to its creator is perfect and the preferred way. The creator will find the next steward of this fine instrument.

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    1. Yes, I do remember that! I couldn't believe that when you told me and you seemed quite shocked when I told you he was my cousin! Such a small world at times.

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  6. A good celebration of his life and loves.

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  7. Anonymous5/07/2023

    Tundra Bunny here...

    I'm very sorry for your loss, Maddie. Your cousin will certainly be missed by all those who knew and loved him.

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  8. This is so sad... but so touching, too. Everyone in our lives adds to ours.

    Seriousness aside, those comics had me in stiches!

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  9. So touching, I love when people do memorials more so over funerals. A life should be celebrated with music and sharing and stories. Not a morbid sad event. And thosE last three comics!!! LMAO!!!!

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  10. Rest in Peace. My heartfelt condolences to your family, and to you, Mistress. Excellent post and eulogy of sorts.

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  11. It’s not easy when the time comes and we loose someone we care about. But you still have lots of happy memories. And those entertaining comics! He sounds like quite the eccentric character.

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  12. You have my heart, sweetpea. xoxo

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  13. Oh my, how very sad. May be rest in peace.
    What a handsome and talented man he was.
    Condolences most sincerely.

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    1. This is the one I was telling you about in a pass email. Your condolences are welcome Christina.

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  14. Immortality, is being remembered. Take care of yourself,

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  15. he was very handsome too

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  16. A wonderful tribute to a well loved man.
    Sx

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  17. "He once asked me if I knew why musicians in the voila section didn't get hemorrhoids. He replied, because all the assholes were in the violin section!"

    I LOVE IT! He certainly was funny. And not untrue...I played the violin for a few years, and they can be asshole and divas.

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  18. Sounds like a fabulous, though flawed [as we all are] human.
    Remember him and laugh and cry and live.
    RIP

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    1. Thank you, Bob! I've never lost so many family and friends in a short time...and it started with dear Anne Marie.

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  19. It's always tough to lose someone in such an unexpected way. But it sounds like you all did him proud. He'll live on through his comics and through the memories you all have and share.

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  20. Anonymous5/08/2023

    HuntleyBiGuy:
    What a life well lived. So sorry he had such a struggle that ultimately cost him everything. Those in the grip of alcohol can hide their addiction quite well.

    Your bringing the wildflower seeds to scatter with his ashes was brilliant, an enduring remembrance of someone who’s was well loved.

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    1. It was after he came home from rehab that we thought he was better...not cured, but better. I don't think alcoholics are ever cured. It wasn't till the last three months that the jig was up and we knew something was going on. I'm pretty sure he drank right after group meetings.

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  21. I do know how you feel; my sister died age 38 as a result of endless drinking, a habit she hid from all of us until near the end. The lies were endless. My brother and I were with her when she died.

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    1. Pretty much the same here too Helen, but not so much lies...but just secretive. His one sister had been in visiting when his stomach blew up, like he'd swallowed a basketball she said... three nights prior to his death. Then the bringing up of blood while awaiting the ambulance to arrive. He didn't make it through the night. What a horrible end for him.

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  22. What a shame he's no longer with us. Those cartoons are hilarious.

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  23. Your family is so cool the way you do things. Sounds like a great way to memorialize someone. I noticed your family seems to be in love with nature? And those Comics are a hoot!

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  24. My condolences darling.
    You'd have no way to know that I'm married to a violist. Now you need to send me condolences.

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  25. Thank-You Everybody for the well wishes!!!! It been rough losing so many the last two years.

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  26. Very sorry for your loss. I love his cartoons.

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!