LIFE LESSONS

I've learned very little in this life...but here's are a few things I did learn this far on this spinning globe. Here they are.

1-Take a lover. Several. It's good for the skin.

2- Never get married.

3-Fake plants are ok.

4- It's only murder if you're caught.

5-It's only smoking if you if light the cigarette and inhale. It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out.

6-Never, ever, go for and drink the cheap gin.

7-When having an affair with a married man, make sure his wife is on life support and he's about to pull the plug. I made that mistake before and she recovered, got better, and kicked my ass. 

Where were we? oh yeah 8

8-Fake eye glasses look great and make a great fashion accessory.

9- When at an amusement park and on the gravitron, don't go commando. Somewhere, down below, there is a five-year-old that needs some serious therapy.

10- The White Lotus was seriously over-rated. Sue me.

11-Sometimes if you spot it, you don't got it.

12- Walk at least 10,000 steps a day.

13- No one is a bigger size queen then me. Big cocks are nice to look at and pet, but trust me... 5" inches is good, 6" and 7"are fabulous and 8" is for a pro, 9" is a visit to the ER and anything bigger and your just skipping your next life honey!!! 

14- Never trust 99.8% of politicians. A Zeplin has less hot air.

15- Don't ever fall asleep on a nude beach. Trust me.

16-Sometimes, pretend to be normal...but make sure to always go back to yourself.

17-People will stop asking you questions, if you answer back in interpretive dance.

18- You can't always control who comes into your life, but you can control what window to throw them out of.

19- Cock fighting involves chickens! (That's 30 years of training completely wasted.)

20-We can't always have a body like a temple. Sometimes it's a bouncy castle.

-and 21 Alcohol doesn't solve problems....but then neither does milk!