Monday, June 8, 2020

HAPPY MOMENTS ....

What a simply glorious day it is here today...another one of those perfect days. Now I promise to get back to other posts this week as last week was a much needed time to get info and feelings out there. But I still may vent here or there. You'll be happy to know though, that I did jab the piggly wiggly in the White House on his Instagram quite a few times as well as Ivanka. I still haven't been arrested or kicked off Instagram yet,  but did get a second warning. Here is Bucks County we moved to the phase 1, which really is not much difference, and as expected New Hope had issues with too many outside tourist coming in,  and outdoor cafes can only accommodate so many people. And a Sunday protest, yes...even in this fair hamlet they had a protest, which is very cool to hear. So I think we should have another Happy Moments post don't..... oh excuse me, the phone is ringing.... it may be Ms Moorecock. I left her  somewhere....we went for more hand sanitizer and haven't seen her in three weeks ...

Hello, this is the Mistress.
Oh, hello Mother.
What?.... yes...yes, I know I forgot our daily call yesterday.
No. I was here Mother. Time gets away.
Mother, I wasn't seeing anyone. 
Yes that's right. I am still self quarantining.
Lady G?
 Now mother,  I told you I ended that two years ago.
Yes, I saw the item about him, but I assure you I was not one of the rent boys.

Boy she is full of questions today, hold on dears.

Mo...mother... I told you it ended. He was getting to odd. I told you he liked me to dress up like Florence Henderson, while he played Greg Brady. And there was that weird thing he liked doing while we were on a riding mower.

Yes I agree. 
No,  there have been any royalties from my book. 
That's right,  the tell all about my clandestines with men in politics of DC, which then followed us into the kitchen for a themed cooked meal afterwards, while in costumes went no where. No. I don't think America was ready for it mother, they just weren't ready.
 My famous authorist days haven't come yet.

Yes, I did finish working on my quarantine pamphlet. 
Yes... still about how to self love yourself and still eat healthy while quarantined.
Yes, sex is involved , but sex sells. I also have a whole section on how to keep yourself beautified during the pandemic with various household items, and the many uses of empty toilet paper rolls.
Well this is a huge joint to keep running, the coin has to roll in from somewhere.
Your friend bought a copy of it at the Blue Mountain rest stop on the turnpike?
Yes they did sell them there. 

Ok. You what? 
You need $50?
But why? I just sent you $50 last week.
You did what?
You got caught looting in downtown Harrisburg?!?!?
I've told you if your going to loot mother you can't get caught. I told you to run faster dear.

Can you all believe this? Mother loves a good discount. Usually like a five finger discount. Be right there...

What? 
I was talking to the people out there. 
I can't really talk right now. I'm in the middle of a blog when you called. 
The BLOG. 
No, it's not a television show, it's a online platform. 
No mother,  not a sex chat room.

I would swear she is having me watched.

What?
 No the blog is not like the View.
 It's more like me as Brett Somers on the Match Game. 
Well, yes , sometimes I am drinking.

But mother about this looting. No more of it. 
You were thinking of me? How?
You knocked off a liquor and wig shop!!!!!!!
Yes, I agree that's thoughtful, but I don't need anymore wigs and you know Hendricks brings the gin right to my door.

Oh I see. 
You met some nice guys while looting.
OH, Max, Leroy, Ice Pick and a guy named Marsha Dimes.
What?
Your now a member of the Black Panthers?!?!!
Mother, I'm pretty sure they ceased to exist back in the 70's.
They're what? 
Making a come back?  oh I see.
Your getting in on the ground level?
Well, you always were ahead of your time.

But I really must go now Mother
Yes, I put $50 in pay pal.
PAY PAL...not pen pal.
Oh, you have a few of those too. Well that's nice. Why don't you go write them a few letters now.

Ok $50 and no more looting
Talk to you tomorrow dear.
Ok Luv you too.

That woman is going to be the death of me yet. I'll be back later to finish this post my dears, so sorry for the inconvenience…..

44 comments:

  1. What a relief to know what Mother is really like. She always sounds so proper and well-behaved in your blog posts (you know, the ones on your BLOG, not your sex chat room). Anyway, it's good to know the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

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    Replies
    1. Behaved?!? Just don't ask her about her time at the Latin Casino with Engelbert Humperdinck.

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    2. MY grandmother threw her panties at tom jones when he appeared at the latin casino; she was in her 60s then!

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    3. Well, everyone's grandmothers threw their panties at Tom Jones... Except mine, of course. She didn't wear panties. And now, what's the story about the Latin Casino and Engelbert Humper Dinck?

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  2. Mother is a hoot!

    And this ...
    " It's more like me as Brett Somers on the Match Game. "

    ... slayed me.

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  3. "He liked me to dress up like Florence Henderson, while he played Greg Brady". Now THAT's new category for X-Hamster... Jx

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    Replies
    1. I see you found the Brady Bunch page then?

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    2. you should see that Maddie can do with Wesson oil.

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  4. Ha ha, that phone call is hilarious! But I don't think she meant the Black Panthers organization. I think she meant the Black Panther from Wakanda.

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    1. Don't confuse her more Debs. She doesn't even know where Africa is, let alone fictional Wakanda.

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  5. I'm glad you're in a much happier Head Space, we all needed to blow off some Steam and Vent for a while, then come back to Calm and Center. I miss my crazy phone calls with my Dearly Departed Mom, she was a Riot! Of coarse I'm sure our Adult Kiddos and Adult Grandkiddos think I'm completely Mental so I'm likely the topic of some Humor when they're discussing our Phone calls. *Winks*

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    1. I think she has had one to many cocktails girl.

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  6. Much chortling, both you and
    your Mother stay safe!
    xoxo :-)

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  7. OMG! Where are my Depends when I need them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "You met some nice guys while looting. OH, Max, Leroy, Ice Pick and a guy named Marsha Dimes."

    Had a ROLLING!!!! And do dish about your book dear. You and Lady G?!?!?!?!?!?!

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  8. "And there was that weird thing he liked doing while we were on a riding mower." - my favorite line. Oh, and dear, I would like to know of more things that can be done with a toilet paper roll... of a sexual nature, I presume? Looking forward to finding your pamphlet at the local adult bookstore... if it ever opens again. And your mother... hmmm... sounds like a sitcom in the making? CBS, perhaps?

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    Replies
    1. Upton, and make sure they give you the free rubber gloves and hand sanitizer that comes with it. Safety first.

      Well my pamphlet has all the ways to enjoy a empty toilet paper roll, I won't spoil the surprises. But cards on the table...it was used when I came up with the first porotype for a fleshjack. Yet another thing I should have had patented.

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    2. "...when I came up with the first prototype for a fleshjack. Yet another thing I should have had patented" LMAO, LOL,LOL,LOL,LOL

      What are you drinking these days...your on FIRE lightly???????

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  9. It's like watching Mama Barker and the gang.

    This was very entertaining!!!!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!

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  10. "Ok. You what? You need $50? But why? I just sent you $50 last week. You did what? You got caught looting in downtown Harrisburg?!?!? had me fucking rolling!!!!!!!!!!!

    Mistress It's beyond me why you don't have you own lifestyle talk show yet.

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    Replies
    1. Nina, there goes Maddie's money from the trick last night! Easy come easy go.

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  11. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! God love your mother. A Black Panther!!!!!! This post gave me the hardest laugh in two weeks.

    But just what is it you use empty rolls from toilet paper with?

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    Replies
    1. Don't you dare make mention of any gerbils, just don't. I still haven't located the one from a year ago.

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  12. This Ice Pick. Ask her if he has any distinguishing marks in the neither's. I think I know him, he's a bad influence Mistress.

    You and Lady G?!?!?! I thought you hooked him up and Aaron Schock once? Wasn't there that time you guys almost all got caught in the senate chamber?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, your facts are correct. And you don't want to know what was pulled to make that vote. Let's just say Mitch McTurtle was none to happy.

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  13. Well I'll have a wig if your mother has one going spare - actually I'll have several and please put my name down for a quarantine pamphlet. Thank you.
    Sx

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    Replies
    1. I'll sign you up. It's a real good 3-page turner.

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  14. Oh I remember your regale about your times on the John Deere. It's beyond me how you two kept your balance while it was in self drive. Does Lady G know about your tell all?

    And your mother...BWhahahahaha and I thought you were a handful.

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    Replies
    1. Oh she knows. Lets just say she isn't happy about the chapter where we had the threesome with a midget. And you know, midgets are notoriously hung.

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  15. Please, please, please, don't tell me you were jabbing Ivanka... was Jared wataching?

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  16. Hahahahaha
    Hahahahaha
    *hiccups*
    Hahahahaha

    I heart you. Hard.

    Oh and those idiots on IG? They can suck my dick.

    XoXo

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    Replies
    1. I'll handle that part Sixpense, Im much more a professional and hands on then them. They wouldn't know one if it bit them.

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    2. don't say that too loud around the mistress, the knee pads will be out.

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  17. As long as the secret police don’t come knocking. You sounded a bit like Mr Humphries.

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    1. "I'd like to make it quite clear that being of an affectionate nature, I have make friends easily of all shapes, sizes and sexes."

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  18. Well darlink, I don't call you the toast of DC for no reason!!!!

    And your mother and black panthers???I had no idea she was into dark meat like yourself. We REALLY nned to listen into more of these conversations.

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  19. Thanks for the excellent comic relief! Much needed right now. You are definitely a stabilizer.

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  20. Mercy sakes it does drive one to distraction

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  21. You remind me of Bob Newhart. Your delivery is fantastic! Hollywood, make room for Maddie!

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  22. What in hell is going on around here?!?!?! OMG!!!!!! THIS id why your blog is a complete trip. My partner and I are both in tears from laughing so hard!!!!! The post and comments are sharp wit tonight bwhahahaha

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  23. "You what? You need $50? But why? I just sent you $50 last week."

    It's like Valley of the Dolls!!! Maddie....your are cracking me up!!!!! Now I see how your Mother rolls! But Lady G?!?!?!? Sex on a lawn mower?!?!?! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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  24. Well I think your mother sounds like everything I would like to be......
    I'm far too meek. I need to up my game. Shake my kids up a bit. Yea?

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  25. Florence Henderson? I think I'd shoot for Marsha Brady. Then again, what Greg wants, Greg gets.

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  26. I'm in TEARS!!!!!! What a good laugh.

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!