Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Get It On,Outdoors!



Now that May is officially here, that opens the door for outdoor sex season, and it is suppose to be glorious weather here in Philadelphia this weekend! Like margaritas, or a gin and juice, sex can be even better when experienced al fresco. Having sex outside awakens the senses the Mistress says.Feeling the breeze on your skin, smelling the freshly cut grass—stimuli are very erotic. Plus, the fear of getting caught can add a thrill. And the Mistress is an experienced ho, I mean, hostess of outdoor events, so here are my tips of a enjoyable time for all.
1.Be alert.Getting frisky al fresco is all fine and dandy, but nothing turns a saucy romp in the grass from titillating to mortifying quicker then landing in dog doo. Depending on where you're getting down and dirty, it would behoove you to be extra alert to your surroundings. Some people just don't pick up after their Rover's. If you're on a hike and decide to be one with nature, fine, but be extra paranoid about a rustle of leaves or serenade of breaking twigs. So pick a clean wood or park. Or in your own back yard



2.Dress appropriately.
Ladies: make it easy and wear a skirt or dress. And men, avoid belts or tight pants. And the Mistress highly recommends if you want to go commando, even better. One less thing to take off! But select your outfit carefully and be prepared to disrobe, get busy and then get presentable fast. And don't forget the Wet Ones! And a compact for a quick powder!

3.Bring a blanket.The Mistress learned the hard way to avoid getting sand tucked into certain crevices where it doesn't belong,or the wrong thing poking you that you don't want, so if you want sex on the beach, or in the woods, bring a generous-sized blanket. Likewise, rocks, sticks, burrs and other parts of nature are prettier to look at than to grind on—trust me! And you don't want to call 911 because of a punctured butt cheek from a stick. And if your out over night pitch a tent. Tent sex can be fun!



4.Best to do it standing up.
If you have the stamina, standing up is probably the best position for knocking boots outdoors. The shrubbery always looks much more comfortable than it actually is. This is why the Mistress always dated younger, for their stamina and endurance!

5.Come prepared.
Outdoor sex is more about novelty than having the best sex ever, but you might as well up your pleasure quotient with a few easy tricks. Namely, bring lubrication. Getting it on outside is challenging enough without trying to navigate foreplay, so let lube works its magic instead, and make sure it is scentless—no need to attract bugs. If anything joins in, I don't want bugs! Likewise, being one with nature is no excuse not to protect yourself. Bring condoms or your choice of contraceptive, and please take them with you when you're finished. Nothing ruins a good time like happening upon someones used Trojan. Or seeing the neighborhood busy body, Millicent walking down the street with a condom stuck to her heel!!! Ah, that poor thing.


So there you have it. So please enjoy the great outdoors!!! OH, and one last tip. If your in the car having sex, I HIGHLY recommend the back seat. Some people could accidentally knock the stick shift out of gear causing said car to start rolling, heading for a down hill, putting everyone into a un-wanted panic. It very hard to get certain things that are rigid, back into clothes, and get said car stopped! Tootles!

33 comments:

  1. Cool!!! shall definately try this,..soon i hope..rofl..umm..but what about being arrested for indecent exposure..smilessss..

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  2. You are a naughty one aren't you! No wonder you have the lad's attention! LOL! You always crack me up, never know what post is coming at you next! Now to try these things........

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  3. Yeah baby! Love it in the woods!

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  4. Look at this in a positive light - it's adventurous, risky, and let's face it, something new! Great and entertaining post Mistress,you deserves kudos! P.S. The backyard is a great choice!!

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  5. Too funny Mistress! Your blog is really a handy guide to life isn't it?

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  6. LOL,LOL,LOL,LOL! Girl you are so damn funny! I would do it in the park but how do u get around some of these poses and even get off the ground if your overweight, like my big ass?

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  7. You inspire me to do it outdoors! I never have but.... try it in the bathroom at a concert while everyone else is inside enjoying the music...enjoy the symphony in you head! Not that I have ever done this while our symphony was on a 45min break or nothing.

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  8. Soooooooooo. what are you doing again on Saturday night?

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  9. @ Dieselboy-never thought of that. I guess he would have to join in or I could make it rain with a bunch of $20's!

    @ Cello Josh you kinky thing you, I'm shocked!

    @ Miss Empress, sorry, you may need to take two guys, make it more fun to help you!

    @ Lady Finger, oh yes, the backyard. Oh the stories it could tell.

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  10. And what are you doing saturday night?

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  11. I'D like to go have sex in the park ,buthow do u get around some of these poses if your overweight? If I get my big ass on the ground I might not get back up!

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  12. I never tried it outside yet, but I did di it in the bathroom at a concert while everyone else was inside enjoying the music...enjoy the symphony in you head!

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  13. Mistress, you crack my ass up! lol! But the points are noted!

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  14. cool!!! shall definately try this,..soon i hope..rofl..umm..but what about being arrested for indecent exposure..smilessss..

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  15. Yeah baby! Love the woods!

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  16. Having sex in your vehicle works too. Gives you the feeling of being daring but a little more confined. But if your on top, you just have to watch your head!!!! So your still queen of the outdoors huh?

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  17. Great tips here, and if you've packed a picnic you prolly have napkins or wet wipes to clean up with, so it's not bad at all :)

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  18. Look at this in a positive light - it's adventurous, risky, and let's face it, something new! Great post that deserves kudos :)You are something else Mistress!

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  19. Sex is not limited to particular places or times. If you have a passion to experiment with your sexuality why always you should go for the traditional way of sexual acts? Why to have sex inside in a bed when you can do it outside? Out door sex is an awesome experience. I love it on the beach or the woods and the more the better! And dieselboy- you should just ask the cop to join in!

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  20. i cant think of a place i havent had sex outside. the element of risk is what makes it so great,except the time my sister walked in the shed and found me a my guy friend's tool!

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  21. Yeah, the car can be a problem. Did that happen to the Mistress? I'm soooo shocked,lol! Funny post, but the truth! The best sex I have had for a long time was 2 weeks ago with this new guy I'm seeing, beside our pool. We could hear the neighbours but they couldn't see us, total turn-on!

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  22. ME AND MY BOYFRIEND ALWAYS HAVE SEX ON BACK ROADS OVER THE CAR HOOD. AND BOTH LOVE IT WE, LOVE THE RISK OFF BEING SEEN AS WE HAVE TWICES BEFORE . WE WOULD NEVER STOP DOING IT OUTSIDE NO MATTER WHO SEE US.

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  23. Love outdoor sex! One bit of advice. Leave the handcuffs Nature-loving kinksters, restrain yourselves frombringing the cuffs. If someone stumbles across your love nest, you're going to want to be able to cover up in a hurry, trust me!

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  24. Mistress, you crack me up with these posts! One does not know what post is coming next! No pun intended!

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  25. You mean to tell me you are still having sex?

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  26. Oh Mistress i like this post. I could have sex anywhere and like public sex. Very hot. You want to try;)

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  27. Mistress, you are so bad and very exciting at the same time! What a funny post.

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  28. Anonymous5/13/2011

    Oooh! I remember a few outdoor summer trysts of years past. The fear of getting caught made it all the more exciting. Let's see...there was the state park incident and the incident involving roller blades...oh, and the pool...and then there was the time when I...

    well, I better stop at that.

    *blush*

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  29. Love outdoor sex! Nothing like it except when you get caught with three others in a creek in the woods! A little embrassing.

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  30. LOL I love it. I've had outside in the park before. I ain't ashamed either.

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  31. great post! LOL! Some good tips though none the less. The best outdoor time I had was sex in my jeep at a beach once. We were so busted by cops. And the cop asked us to get dressed but kept standing there. I think he so wanted to join in!

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  32. Anonymous5/15/2011

    How FUNNY is this!!! Some great tips here -and I'm, adding one... Skip the Louis V luggage ensemble -a chic duffel or overnite bag works just fine! LOL

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