Saturday, April 4, 2009

A Garden Lunch with Riparian Entertainment

Anyone who knows the Mistress knows she like to have parties and dinner parties. I find entertaining stories very appetizing. It got me to thinking if I could have a dinner party with eight people besides people I already know, who would I chew the fat with? And what would I serve? Then I changed it to a fabulous garden lunch instead, followed by some old fashioned Riparian activities. I would opt for some cute cucumber sandwiches, fresh fruit, and a wonderful salad and ,of course some afternoon cock-a-tails! My man servant would be in place to help serve of course! The eight personalities that I love and would mesmerise me would be, Lady Bunny, Miss Lady Keir, Anderson Cooper, Dame Shirley Bassey, Nicole Kidman, Lisa Lampanelli, John Galliano and John Barlett. Let me introduce you to my guests.

Lady Bunny

Sashay girl! I have always loved this queen. She has a smashing style, mile high hair, a contagious laugh and is highly entertaining,plus she has a super-raunchy blog. So you know her small talk will heat up the table. Bunny can make the drinks; I'll be having what she having!

Miss Lady Keir

The stylist epitome of everything I love. Lady Keir is a heady combo of 60's baby doll and 90's club kid- and she is sitting next to me! The mere thought of her in a cat suit or minidress, bell sleeves, Alice bands, and Flvevog heels makes my heart race. And she is sooooooo bringing the brownies. De-Gorgeous!

Anderson Cooper

Anderson Cooper is one hot daddy! That silver hair and blue eyes. And he would be on the other side of me!!! Anderson would bring to the table the Vanderbilt tradition of manners, well dress, and intellect. The news anchor and journalist could also bring pictures and stories of his world experiences from all over the world, and keep the guest on top of current affairs. I would later try to bed him.

Nicole Kidman and Dame Shirley Bassey

Let's not mince words here. These two would be the classy broads. Classy enough to teach the other guest which cutlery to use. I love both these divas for their stunning looks and chic fashion sense. Plus with the worlds of film and music covered they could tell stories from Tinseltown, and maybe Dame Shirley could sing a ditty and Nicloe could do some dramatic act for us! But no Tom stories, Nicole!

Lisa Lampanelli

The Grammy winning, equal opportunity offender looks harmless, but don't fool with this ho. This June Cleaver looking lady will cut a ho! As a comedian, Lisa would bring laughter and insult comic to the elegant lunch with her racy and raunchy style of comedy. She would then proceed to roast us all,till we all fall over from laughing to hard. And I wouldn't need to worry about her hitting on the other male guest because she like the black men.

John Galliano and John Barlett

These two handsome designers would have to be present. Galliano because the Mistress loves his gowns and Barlett because the male mistress loves his fashion. They could also let us in on the up-coming fashion trends and give us the dirt from the fashion world. Maybe they could even give a fashion critique on the guest and tell us where all the hot male models are hanging out. I would later try to bed John Barlett.

Well there you have it. I'm sure that would be a hell of a interesting lunch. There are other people who interest me also and I would love to meet, probably more serious types, but life's a banquet damn it, and I want to have a fabulous time. Who would you have for a luncheon or dinner party?


  1. Hmmmm. Einstein, Tim Gunn, Winston Churchill, Michelle Obama, JK Rowling, Chris March. I'd have the second season cast of Top Chef cater the affair and for entertainment we'd rescue Marcel from them.

  2. Excellent list, girl.

    I would, of course, have to add some Papi eye-candy to my list. But a couple of comments on yours...

    First, I almost beat the shit out of Lady Miss Kier at the Sound Factory one night. She was flailing her arms on the dance floor and kept hitting me. She is lucky I didn't cut a bitch. To this day I can't stand her for it.

    Secondly, I see John Bartlett about once a week. His little store is about one block away from my job, and I see him all the time working, by himself, in the store.


  3. Not a fan of John Bartlett but I love all the others. Of course, I'm simply DEVASTATED not to be included among the celebs on the guest list!

  4. Mame- I think I heard he works the store himself. Very admirable since alot of designers don't work in their own shops. I should come up so you can take me to get my inseam taken by him!

    Miss G- who would be at the Royal ball with me and David, not a little lunch.

    Frogponder- that is quite a list of smart people, and to have Top Chef cater it!! Nice.

  5. Mahogany Empress4/04/2009

    I would love to have dinner with you all that day. That's quite a cast of charcthers.

  6. Mistress Maddie's #1 Fan4/04/2009

    HMMM. I would have to think about that one. Ilike your list. That would be a good time. Maybe Gallaino would bring you a gown.

  7. Cali-Boi4/04/2009

    I would have all hot men at my dinner. Of couse I would invite you also Mistress. I need at least on diva there.

  8. Well, I'd go with Anderson and Nicole myself....for their sheer beauty and grace. Nicole of my left, Anderson on my lap.
    Then I'd toss in Rosa Parks--as my hero, she's invited to every function I give. I'd also love Hilary Clinton for the smarts and Frank Lloyd Wright to talk architecture. Harvey Milk to inspire us about the ongoing struggle for gay America.
    Of course, It can't be all seriousness and gorgeousness, so I'd also go for Wanda Sykes for the necessary chuckles and guffaws, with Heidi and Tim to give us the inside dish on Runway, and, finally, Kelly and Bethhenny from Real Housewives Of NY, because I think every good dinner party needs a catfight before the floor show, which would be....Jimmy Somerville and Cher.

    Now, on to invitations!

  9. Matthuis4/05/2009

    I would have to have Judi Dench, Michelle Obama,Anna Wintour, James Lipton, Anderson Cooper, dancer Chitia Riviera, Carly Simon and Madonna. And as you say I too would try to bed Anderson Cooper!!

  10. oh honey!!! no Tom stories???! come on!!! we want the smack on he a top or a bottom? or maybe a power bottom> Look at me...with all my Gay talk...aren't you proud of me? ;) I'm a lernin!

    and maybe Nicole could bring the appetizer of botox, no?

    And Bartlett is working in his store Mistress....BY HIMSELF! Seems to me he's a little lonely and could use a little "company" and a cock-a-tail!!!


    Love you Mistress!

  11. Beth- When you and I go to the city to visit tranny we should stop in and have a cock-a-tail or two and give Mr.Barlett a visit!!!!
    Ok and maybe one Tom story,only if it's about sex and bottoming!

  12. Can I come? I'll bring the cock-a-tails...

  13. I'm a simple person. I'd have Brad Pit, David Beckham, Mark Walberg, A-Rod, and three or four hot male models. Yea, just a BOYS party.

  14. Wow, Mistress, it took me SOME scrolling through your Archives to find this elusive post! But what a great guest list! I would love to meet Lady Bunny, Anderson Cooper and Nicole Kidman too.

    And you naughty boy -- is "riparian entertainment" your fancy-shmancy word for water sports? LOL!


Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!