HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGHBORS?

Lucinda Blaisdell...the poor dear.

She had everyone in over the Thanksgiving holiday for drinks and hor d'oeuvres. As you can see, the Spam appetizers didn't go over well.

MEANWHILE AT THE CASA

If anyone is looking for a Social Director, I know of one who may be available soon. I have no idea why when I tell Ms Moorecock to go bring in the latest gin delivery, she gives such lip, and attitude.

 If thats not enough, leave it to my neighbor Ulele Griswald to fire up Prunella Worth and Claire Pits-Seymour. There dare have the nerve to tell me how to run the Casa. Now they are complaining for me to cover the houseboys more during this pandemic. Well, for christ sake...I have them more covered then they have ever been!!!!

I tell ya, if it isn't this, it's that. I'm through with the whole darn cheap, hypocritical gang of them. And I'm not going to get out of this town till I tell then just what I think of them.

HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGHBORS?

Well, last night yet again, was a country club event, where I had the pleasure of running into the neighborhood busy body, but one everybody knows drinks on the quiet. Ulele Griswald was on hand, with her hands gloved and her cape flying, and her lips flapping,  telling Claire Pits-Seymour and Phoebe Bixler how applaud she was seeing my red lights yet again this year, and the coming and going of the men. I told her, perhaps her squeaky wheel got more oil, she'd be in a better mood. But the whispers continued into the night before the Mistress had enough gin, and was caught on film.

Don’t think I don’t know who’s been spreading gossip about me. After all the nice things I’ve said about that hag. When I get hold of her, I’ll tear out every hair of her mustache!

HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGBORS?

The other day at the jumble sale for the kids charity the community is running, I was discussing Mrs Claire Pits- Seymour and her husband with Phoebe Bixler.

"I'm telling you it's true.  He seems enthralled by her. He takes her on holiday three times a year. He took her to Majorca,Tenerife, and  this year he's taking her skiing." I says.

Phoebe Bixler replies " That's very flash."  I says "Well, that what Claire Pits Seymour  was telling Wendy Applewhite the other day down at the beauty....and that's another thing.... what she spends in there on her looks is obscene."

Phoebe says. " Oh it's a dead give away. Show me an expensive hairstyle, and I'll show you someone who is no better than they should be.  I always think, tidy, but unattractive is the way. It's the soundest way for a unblemished reputation."

To which I says " You got it cracked then haven't you?."

But we don't think it's as peachy as she lets on. There were the pesky rumors a few weeks back Mr.Pits- Seymour was giving the church organist, Ms Brikenkshore a" few lessons" one week on the organ. Whether it's true or not who knows. But the following Sunday they say she played terribly out of tune.  

HAVE YOU MEET MY NEIGHBORS?

Meet Jewel Cooperton.

 She is the neighborhood person who walks around with a major attitude, drives a muscle car, and loudly I may add, and has the personality of a door knob. Dear Jewel lives in the next little bijoux apartment next to mine. Now mind you, they take good care of the grounds here, even in winter. Jewel also smokes like a chimney. I'm sure her breathe has set off many a smoke alarm in local dinning establishments. But lately she has been taking to leaving the cigarette butts in the gardens and tan bark. Just the other day, I was outside pottering about and picked up with gloved hands, 20 -30 butts in the tan barked garden!!!!! Now you know I love me a well tended garden and the environment, and I'd hate to see any wildlife eat them. I have nothing against others habits, hell, I enjoy a good cigar two or three times a year, and others smoke here and always take a container of water or ashtray out with them. Not this bitch. Who does this lazy cow thinks she is spreading her dirty butts around?!?!? I have since sent off a eloquent email to the property management to address this issue. And if it's not....next time out, I'll light her god damn cigarette for her.....with my can of Aqua Net.

I may be sweet, prim and proper...but I'd HATE TO GO all Beverly Sutphin on her ASS! She won't like me when I'm mad.

HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGHBORS?

Don't ever contact Beverly Warble in the morning till she calls you.......

She's the type to have three fags before getting out of bed...her lips and lashes alone take up nearly three martinis.... then there are brows to pluck, in between the popping of happy pills.... never diets either. The only carrots that interest her are the number you get in a diamond......and we don't know what our dearest, oldest friend did with her favorite

SHOES?  

The sacrifices she's make in order to remain perfect. Little does she know her husband is banging the gardener boy next door. All these worries and her hair still looks fabulous.

At'a-girl.

HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGHBORS?

Just another family out for a walk. And this family is a welcome sight...orderly and quite. One never knows who you will encounter when running out for milk. A pleasant run in for a change instead of one of the judging neighborhood bitches. Like Prunella Worth.

The fur wearing, white gloved, always wearing pearls, and worrying the gardeners will be living here next. She is another always questioning the men here coming and going. She is the type you heard of....conservative, shocks easily and is the busy body...knows everyone's move. She just doesn't please very easily either. When I heard it was her birthday I went over to give her a lovely gift. She came out and saw the gift of a moving van I ordered. To which she replied, "But I'm not moving." To which I says, " Just a suggestion dear."

EMBRACING MONDAY???

That's right...it's Monday dear's so.......

With all my weekend guest gone....I'm exhausted! Thank goodness I had the foresight to take Monday off. My friend J left just an hour ago. He had a good weekend, but I think he was a tad disappointed he didn't get to have a roll in the sheets. Well,  upon getting up your Mistress needs nourishment. Being the respectable hostess that I am, I let him cup a few goods first, before coffee and a side car arrived.  Now I'm relaxing the rest of the day, unless of course my annoying neighbor should see the towne car in the drive and come wondering about all the men coming and going. Ulele Griswold and I are not fond of each other. You know the type. A busy body, always judging your lawn cutting and gardens, running a white gloved finger on the foyer table, inspecting the crystal drops on the chandeliers for clarity. Checking to see if I'm using said crystal drops as ear rings. (Why yes, I have. You should see the wonderful gay rainbow prisms they give off at Pride festivals), inspecting how much refuse is on the curb. Always wonders why I  have so many house boys. Well, good help is worth keeping I tell you. Why, were just like the Mirror Crack'd, a murder mystery about the two famous movie stars, Marina Rudd and Lola Brewster. This would be a general exchange between Ulele and yours truly....

 more later lamb chops......

HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGHBORS?

Last night was a social function down at the county club. As usual, I tried to be a pleasant life of the party, but upon existing the room, I could just feel the daggers of Phoebe Bixler and Hildegard Banigan ........

 

Is it my fault their husbands prefer my company?

BREAK TRADITION?

TO WEAR, OR NOT TO WEAR THE WHITE........

My mother and grandmother always said no wearing of white before Memorial Day. Every year around this time, the fashion periodicals start the "Do you have to wait to wear white?"This weekend is New Hope Celebrates, our grand gay pride festivities, all week long with events and drag shows, ending with festival and parade, and as you can see, broke out the white as I'm thinking of it making its appearance. How did this tradition start? Well, it began in the 1930's with the well heeled and rich wearing all white in the summer, giving the look of leisure. In the 1950's it expanded to the middle class and GRITS, girls raised in the south. Although some believe its a old southern tradition because of the heat. So I love me my white denim and just may break my old school rule!!!

 

In other news, I met a new neighbor. A man! But don't get excited. He has already complained of all the bird racket in the morning. Because as your aware, I have quite the bird arboretum. He reminds me of Spanky MacFarlane with his rotund build and round face. The only thing missing is the ball cap with propeller atop. He said he feels like getting out a sling shot for the birds. Makes me want the pet peacock all the more. I'll so go all Darla on his ass.

PEARLS OF WISDOM

 

Still away chickens, but will be back real soon!!!! In New York currently. In the last post's comments, I was told to toss a few pearls to you. Couldn't resist some Harry's.

 

And who doesn't love a pearl necklace? I have had quite a few in my vast collection.

 

 

oF COURSE, old school use to say it was only fashionable to wear pearls before 6pm, where then one could then switch to the diamonds and rhinestone crowd......

 

 

Now my new neighbors Benny and Betty Breckbill aren't rich by any means, but Benny loves to spoil his wife by giving her a pearl necklace whenever he can. Betty is generally appreciative, although not when Benny unexpectedly misfires. But they appear to be in generally good moods.

 

Be back soon!!!!!

HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGHBORS?

 

Another bridge night with the neighborhood clan, and of course Beatrice Gillswater was there.  You know the type, impeccably dressed, not a hair out of place, pearls constantly on, perfect nails, and a busy body. She was telling the ladies to watch your husbands around that one, he's got eyes that go over a man like a search light. Men coming in, and going out of the Casa du Borghese... And I says, if everyone would sweep their own pavement, there would be less problems in this world. Meanwhile Ms Moorecock thought she looks good for 40. I says, 40!!!! that old gasoline truck, she's 50 if she's a minute. One more permanent at the salon and she won't have a hair on that head!

JOIN ME FOR BREAKFAST

Thought I'd enjoy breakfast before joining the Lad later, anyone care to meet me for a morning treat.....

 

 

Must be a usual hang out for Mistress MJ and Norma, who were already hanging there in their peddle pushers.....

 

 

I was going to order some Boston Creme's, but with Gertrude Finklestein present, I changed my mind. She'll tell the whole neighborhood I was in ordering a dozen, in which they'll think I'm a pig, and paid full price.

 

HAVE YOU MET MY NEIGHBORS?

It recently got back to me that the white gloved clad Nanette Bambeesbrook up the street couldn't understand how I could be so voracious with men. Quite appalled she was actually. I asked if she wanted to pitch in for a lovely turn style!  After local art classes were cancelled due to funds, I asked if she could volunteer she house, to no avail. I told her she could even life model for us, because her husband said all she does is lay there and be still anyhow. She didn't think that was funny.

 

 

I also heard the only way she ever achieves orgasms is at the yearly Bergdorf Goodman sales.

 

But I ain't one to gossip.

MY HELPFUL HINTS

My close friends always laugh at my helpful hints, and they have helped them in some pinches. So here are my top four delights to pass along.....

 

 This can be a daunting dilemma , the table setting. The last thing one needs is Phoebe Bixler spreading rumors over your improperly set table. Or stumble over what silver to use, looking confused You damn well know Rozz Midgley will tell the whole club. Whether having a dinner party or going to attend one here is a easy diagram......

 

 

  and when using the silverware just remember to start with the silver from the inside first to the outside.

 

When meeting people I have always prided myself remembering people's names. My trick?

 

I sometimes also will repeat the name three times in my head to drive the point. But if I am having a number of libations, all bets may be off.

 

Dressing up to go out. I never step outside till I'm complete ready from head to toe, showered and  primped.......even to the grocery.....

 

 

for one never knows who you may run into. It could be a hot man giving me looks of interests, or my next husband.... and never let a sworn enemy see you unkempt, they will just spread rumors of you looking like a hag.

 

The Hitch Hiker

 

 

 no matter how tempting a hitchhiker looks, never pick one up. I don't care how the package looks, these days it's just too dangerous. And when they start to roll a joint, and ask if they can show appreciation for the lift, if you catch what I'm stepping in, don't do it. But that's another story.

Have you Met My Neighbors?

Fern Mosawitz.  Well she is quite the fashion plate. And quite a mess after a couple drinks.

 

 

 

 Just the other night at one of the country club events, she put a few back few, and before long climbed up on old man Hall's zimmer frame and proceeded to sing disgusting sea shanties to him. Later she questioned me if  I have been on the greens of the golf courses yet. I said, well no, not during the daylight hours.

Have You Met the Neighbors?

There was an event last night at the old stuffy Country Club.....and all the girls were there. Phoebe Bixler, Matilda Pettibone, Jules Eastburn and little Edna Bambeesbrook  

 

By the looks of things, they kept a smile, considering they all apparently had the same hairdresser, except Bunny Hampton, who was not amused, and she also missed the memo about the wearing of white gloves. Look at those pusses would you!  It was a very uncomfortable feeling till the sweet tea  arrived. Just the ticket. Grandmother always said sweet tea was the cure for calming frayed nerves. Just why it had to be sweet I couldn't tell you.

The Casa's Neighbor

..... Anitia Moorecock here, the Mistress's Social Director. Jules Eastburn stopped by, while of course the no good trollop, the Mistress of the place, is away.

She stopped in to collect some funds for a local charity, all the while giving un-approving looks of my lovely outfit and  houseboys around here. She is mean as nails I say. I even heard when her mother died, she was right in there, fightin over quilts ,doilies, and furnishings. Can you believe that? And one of the sisters, she hadn't spoke to in over twenty years, wanted to donate some of the land to the church, but she interfered because she didn't want the church to have it, she says she didn't like the pastor....he wore Bermuda shorts on his days off.

 

 Mean I tell you.

Have You Met my Neighbor........

......Matilda Pettibone?

She is one of those neighborhood ladies full of morals and etiquette. She is also the neighborhood busy body, and in head of every local club there is. She stopped by the Casa du Borghese, I suspect to see what all the boys and loud music are about. And her morals? She was whiskey bent and hell bound to find out what the holes in the back fence were about..........

Our friend Phoebe Bixler

She is always busy and never makes brunch anymore. She says she is too busy. Of course, it's none of my affair. Too much running around, if you ask me. The Garden Club this, the Junior League that... as if any of them would give her the time of day! But, she'd die before she'd fix a glass of iced tea for the Temple Sisterhood!