Tuesday, August 16, 2022

CHUCKLES

What happens when you have two small balls in your hand?

A republican's man's undivided attention!

Did I tell you that the other day I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy? Yes. I was arrested for assault. And when I got out, I had a skuttle and punched a black guy. Then I got arrested for impersonating a police officer!

 I was thinking, maybe we should stop calling the planet Earth. And start calling it unborn baby. Then maybe the republicans would want to save it. Ah Huh!

Do you know what the difference between stress, tension and panic in a republican male is?

Well, stress is when the wife is pregnant, tension is when the mistress is pregnant, and panic is when they're both pregnant at the same time! Yep, I said it.

Meanwhile I was talking to some former altar boys the other day. They said to me Mistress, eating broccoli as a child is like anal sex. If your forced to have it as a child, you don't want it as an adult.

You know they say penis size is related to shoe size. It got me to thinking being fucked by a clown could be very terrifying. 

And thinking of Joe Manchin the other day, it got me to thinking why they don't solve more murders in West Virgina. I guess it's because all the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

Do you know what you call a republican man with half a brain?

GIFTED!

Do you know what a woke liberals favorite drink is?

WINE! 

Don't take it personally...I make fun of everyone.

The other night my banana said to my vibrator, why are you shaking? He's going to eat me.

And finally, I went into a Starbucks the other day...


Don't worry, Im here all week kids.

27 comments:

  1. It's Tuesday, so I'll just forget about these, sweetpea. *trying not to LOL* xoxo

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  2. The penis/shoe size/clown line made me literally laugh out loud. There were many other great lines too. Just what I needed after such a day.

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  3. Anonymous8/17/2022

    Tundra Bunny here.... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I saw a cute T-shirt this week that read, "I once had a hen who liked to count her eggs. She was a mathemachicken!"

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  4. You should take your act on the road. Barista, over here!

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  5. Stand up for which I stand up and cheer! Bravo. Well, done, Mistress. Thanks for the larfs. Kizzes.

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  6. Hello Barista!!!

    Thanks for the giggles to start my day!

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  7. I knew a lawyer once whose wife and mistress both had babies within a week of each other.

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  8. All good ones, thanks for the laughs!

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  9. Am I allowed to laugh at that WV one? Good lord. LOL!

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  10. Oh, you know what? I'm still cackling.
    I'm going to try and remember some of those. And do you know any clown??

    XOXO

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  11. Nice pun on woke persons or should that be persons who have been awakened?

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  12. I thought the days of triple digit temperatures was going to kill me. Now I believe I will die laughing. Funny stuff, Maddie.

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    1. Well Deedles, I should have learned by now to not drink anything when reading this blog. A warning label might be good.

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  13. I doubt any of Trump followers would have any class to know anything about wine.
    Coffee is on and stay safe

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  14. Oh great, there goes another drink sprayed. I wonder if in your act you ever did insult comedy...you'd be good at it. Those were all good Mads!!!! LOL!!!!

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  15. LMAO!!!! I have the feeling many male republicans might like their balls in your hands.

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  16. You made me laugh in bed. A change instead of tears of pain.

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  17. You had me in fits with some of these!!!!! But unless the republicans can control it or have sex with it, they won't care about the planet.

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  18. Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!! And the altar boys one. Your terrible Muriel.

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  19. LMAO!!!!! Good jokes!!! That's why I love you, you make us feel good in many ways.

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  20. Should I book you or Pam Demic for a show??? ROTFLMAO

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    1. That depends. Is it the A-House or the Dick Dock?

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!