Sunday, January 20, 2019

PARTY OF ONE

If there is one thing I love about blogging is all the people you get to meet. Just today I was reading dear John's blog, Going Gently, and some days he has me in tears from laughing, whether he means to or not. Today was one of those days. Go check it out for yourself.  And leave it to our very own Duchess Deedles to make me spray coffee all over the damn place from her lovely nugget of a comment, which only remined me of my own embarrassing story once. One Christmas, two years ago, the ever thoughtful and naughty Lad got me a fleshjack for a gift, you know, for when he isn't here, being long distance and such. Click here if your not sure what a fleshjack is. Well at first I didn't think I would ever used it. I had never used such accountments of such what with most guys I dated living close by, or someone a phone call away. The Lad was the first long distance one. Whatever we have going on. Said item in question. 
The one I got resembles a guys lips. WELL....one time right after I had gotten it, my dear mother came for a visit. I had totally forgotten I left it out. (Yes, I did end up trying it and it surprisingly did feel like a blowjob.) After she was here a bit, she walked around the pied de terre to check out my place, and after a bit came down the hall carrying the flesh jack and asked, "What the hell is this?"  To which I replied very quickly it was a instant wine bottle chiller. Thank god I hadn't any gin that day yet, other wise I might not have thought so quick. She asked to see it demonstrated to see how it chilled so quickly before she left, but I was able to soon make her forget that. She did ask where I got it and said it was a gift, but I believed Bed Bath and Beyond have them. She took a picture of it and was going to check it out. I don't know she did or not.

And she never did ask why a wine bottle chiller was in the bedroom.

47 comments:

  1. You are quick on your feet OR your mother knew exactly what it was and she wanted to hear your answer.

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  2. Wait, we dont get a video of demonstration???? But what a funny story!!!

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    1. Your a terrible influence and it's why I love you.

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    2. Ok, get a room you two! No seriously get a room and have cameras in it then send the video to Steve at..... :)

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    3. Don't egg that boy on, you may be surprised what shows up in a inbox pet.

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  3. You had this old lady blushing on the link. I have never hear of such a thing.

    But that is a priceless story.And imagine your poor mother if she did go looking for one.

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    1. Maybe William would be interested in one for when those Mahjong games run a bit late?

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  4. No wonder your always running late.

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  5. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm crying here. I would have come to pieces when she asked to see it demonstrated.

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  6. I'm touched thank you my dearheart xx

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  7. Your mother is the original Debbie Novotny, can't imagine anything shocks her, especially after hearing the cumtowel story.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, thanks to her dog, who found it. Now that was embarrassing.

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  8. Did you get the travel one I sent you for your bag yet?

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    Replies
    1. Travel one? Does it have wheels?

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    2. Alas, it didn't fit in the travel size.

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  9. Bun Bun1/20/2019

    LOL,LOL,LOL!!!! That is so funny and reminds me that that is the difference between a microwave and a fleshjack. They both heat you meat, but only one blows it.

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    1. I just thank god you did try that again on the popcorn setting bitch.

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  10. HA! Turnabout's fair spray! This is too funny!

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  11. I have never seen one of those and would totally buy that as a wine bottle chiller.

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    1. hey, filled with ice and a small bottle of wine I bet it just might chill that sucker.

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  12. That is a funny story!!! I can just picture the whole thing, but then I got hot thinking of it being used.

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  13. https://www.fleshlight.com

    for those of you who are interested...

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    Replies
    1. Anne Marie...lifelong member since 1993!

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    2. you slut, giving away my secret vice!

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  14. HA HA HA HA! That was quick thinking, I remember when my mom found my 10" didldo once. I was so embarrassed. She then knew she had an insatiable bottom boy.

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  15. I had no idea you had a salami warmer?!?!?

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  16. I bet the salespeople at Bed, Bath and Beyond were stymied by her shopping request!

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  17. I bet the salespeople at Bed, Bath and Beyond were stymied by her shopping request!

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  18. I didn't think anything could catch you off guard! I'm so jealous of that toy! :D Lol

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    Replies
    1. are you prepared to open wide I take?

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    2. Should I send you a cast of my junk to send you?

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    3. It's ok miss Moorecock don't be upset with me, I'm just kidding, I wouldn't know what to do with him anyway.

      Send me a cast if you want Maddie, something that big would make a perfect door stop!

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  19. For the very reason I do a clean sweep before guest arrive. Unless I plan on sharing these toys. But a good story indeed!

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  20. And here I'd have thought it was a modern hand mixer in a case.

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    Replies
    1. And either way your stilling beating it.

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  21. If I was there you wouldn't need that fleshjack!!! That was an great story though. I always check to make sure everything is out of sight before company.

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  22. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    OMG! Your mother, I sure hope she didn't go looking for one, Your terrible!!! But nice to read about your experience. I heard guys used these and wondered if they felt like the "real" thing, lol!

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  23. Replies
    1. Well, in a pinch I've had no complaints, I must say.

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  24. Scandalous!!!!!! There is a shop in Philly that has them, but I have been to nervous to buy one. I wondered what they may feel like. Maybe I should check BB AND B, LOL

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  25. There was a Facebook funny going around about a Christmas list and someone saying, "that's not how you spell flashlight!" Any adults who don't have a "toy box" someplace, get over your embarrassment and explore the possibilities.

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  26. My mother would have taken a picture and shown it to her friends! I would have died!

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  27. I'm pretty sure those aren't on sale at BB&B, but I'll check again when I go later this morning.

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!