TODAYS CHUCKLES

 You know I love me some cakes. This would so be me in the store saying these too.

In other news The Lad is here right now, and will return Friday, before we head to Falling Water. Sometimes he's here, and sometimes he's not. I prefer when he's not. Because sex is often quicker....and better.

And Ill never forget when Daddy Warbucks was here one night. He said Maddie darling, I bet you can't tell something that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Well, I thought for a moment, and said, Well, your dick is bigger then your brothers.

Some Facebook Humor

Facebook is probably a wonderful thing, or so I hear. Ya see, the Mistress is probably one of three people not yet on facebook. Now mind ya, I don't have anything against facebook or those on it, I just #1, don't have the time, #2, I talk to most of my family and friends now that I want to talk to, #3, I'm just more of a blogger type of person. Some of my friends must ask me once a week to join facebook and it just won't happen. Maybe some day, but for now, I think this is more the Mistress ....



Some other doziess!

Christmas Funnies

Some Holiday Hilarity

What's Happening?

I just had to use the photo of the old show, since it's what I watched for two days of on demand while I was sick. I feel tons better now and went back to work on Wednesday after having a very enjoyable Thanksgiving holiday. I ate way to much of the aunt and uncles' dinner, and have enough left overs for at least four more dinners! I even got to my favorite candle house to do a major stock up on all my candles, a trip to the West Shore Farmers Market to get some of my favorite cheeses and other provisions, and some of my favorite teas at yet another shop near my mother's house. Who knew that would come in handy later this week. So, about that long story why I got sick. On Black Friday, instead of shopping like every other fool, while everyone in the house was out shopping, I decided to start the "to do" list of things for my mother while I was home visiting. First up- cleaning off the the leaves in the gutters and sweeping the leaves and branches off the roof. Easy enough, done it before. So the Mistress gets out the long expendable ladder, gets it up, and heads up the damn thing to get started. I used a long street broom to clean off the roof first. Done. Next, I cleaned out the gutters of all the leaves. A breeze since my mother has screen like things over the gutters to keep the leaves out of them. I just used a little whisk broom for those. As I was just finishing up, I hear a crash! I look around for the source of the noise only to find the ladder has blown over to the ground. Oh shit! And did I mention it was like 46 degrees with winds whipping at about 25mph that day? I didn't? Well readers, it was! I thought how bad could it be? After all, someone would surly be home soon right? Wrong. I was stuck up on the roof for like two and half damn hours! I thought of hoisting myself down slowly from the roof to the top of the fence, but their really was nothing to grip a hold of, and I'm not the tallest either. And lets face it, this cat is not as nimble as I was, say only three months ago!!! And do you think their was anyone to help a damsel in distress? I even flapped my arms at two passing cop cars and it didn't phase them in the slightest! Two other people walked by, but alas had their ear buds were in and couldn't hear my cry for help. I even thought of streaking naked across the roof or taking off my bloomers to tie to the broom stick to get attention!!! By time my mother got home I was pretty well frozen like one of those frozen dildo's from Eric Arvin's story Kidd Christmas meets Snow Globes! (which by the way would make a great stocking stuffer for all your gay friends.) I was getting a little blue when a got off the roof and it took about 45 minutes to warm up. Some warm soup and a long hot soak in the tub! So as you can see my Black Friday was full of fun and hilarity. Now back to the regular Mistress programming.

Make-Over.....Priceless

My dear Howard sent this to me in a email the other day and I just had to share it with y'all. I laughed so hard I swear, I almost had a accident. Thanks Howard for the hardy laugh! Also be sure to check out Howard's blog Soundtrack to My Day in my blog roll.

A Change of Heart!

This past weekend when the Mistress and the Boy-Toy arrived back home, we relaxed mostly as the Mistress had a crazy week coming up. So I actually watched some football, but not to long ,but did indeed watch some. And that's when I saw him. Christian Ponder that is!



I have never been a sports enthusiasts, but if the players look like this I may have to have a change of heart. Now if I could learn how many innings and what they are actually running all over the field for I'd be in good shape! Tootles!

Natural Gas

Alright, it's not very often the Mistress talks vulgar. And by the picture above you can probably guess what this post will be about. Yes y'all- passing gas! Now yesterday while at work, I was working with our store engineer in a Fendi hard shop they are installing. While we were in the shop finishing things up poor Win, no pun intended, that's his name, wasn't feeling too good. So he decided he was going to let one fly. Well, I was just appalled. And the Fendi Selling Specialist wasn't too amused either and replied,"Men will be men!". He then apologized and then he followed up with,"I'll bring it up again and we can vote on it." We all laughed at what he said ,and then the sound of the zeppelin. And if occurred to me that every job I have ever had, the whole place just talks of farting and all kinds of other gas talk! I swear someone, somewhere is always taking about passing gas. Every job I swear. Now Win's assistant is also on the bandwagon and has even brought in a timed whoopee cushion and he plants it somewhere in the store just for shits and giggles. I have to admit, when it doesn't happen to me it is pretty funny to see what people's faces look like when they hear it. And his term is always "Who cut the cheese!" We then also talk about what terms people use for passing gas. My mom's brother would always lets gas pass freely, to the repulsion of my mom. He would always reply,"Well Em, you can't hold back what you can't hold in your hand.", or "There's a kiss for you. I also remember a story that my mom told me. When she was young and in her working days, she would take the bus into town to work. One day while going home a few days before Easter, a HUGE woman got on the bus with a card board box of dyed chicks for all her kids. Somehow, the box fell over and the chicks ran rampant all over the bus. The woman and another passenger were collecting the chicks and the huge woman was at the front of the bus collecting them. When she bent over to pick one of the chicks up,she passed a huge zeppelin. Some people laughed but tried not to. But then the bus diver said to her,"That's right lady, if you can't catch em, shoot em!" My mom then said the whole bus burst into laughter. But the bus driver was a joker anyhow, so you had to know him. But unlucky for him.It turned out to be the mayor's mother and he was later fired. The story always makes me laugh. So that's the saying I use when someone pass gas or I inside joke between Mamie and I, BEAN DIP! Long story. So what terms does everyone else use out there. I know some of you have boys, so I can only imagine!

Attention Straight and Lesbian Readers

The Mistress is always about doing her part for community service and helping out some poor suckers. So any of my straight or lesbian readers that need a date with someone special here is the newly single Lindsay Lohan. She is stalking, I mean, searching, for a new love baby. And she even has her profile video ready to go. Any takers? There won't be a dull moment, I promise

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan