Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Gay Market Shopping with the Mistress

People used to say it was a huge production for me just to go to the grocery store. Yes it is. I never step outside to run errands till I'm all cute and presentable, for you just never know who you may run into! For it could be my next husband! Most of the food stores around here at the four clock hour, is like happy hour at the bar, with some much flirting. My ex and the Lad say I'm very entertaining to food shop with, as I try to get a reaction from people sometimes. But being me and a gay guy it is even more entertaining to what goes through my mind.


If one could go and buy boys like above I would!!! The first thing I decide is which jeans to wear. I will admit to having a nice behind, why not show it!
 
* Upon getting to the store , will it be a cart or a basket? The basket is more butch and when it gets heavy it will pop the arm muscles, but the cart is far more entertaining for cart couture, plus it is easier to strut! WERK!
 
*Fruity Pebbles is usually a major score!
 
* The cookies aisle? Honeys, I want to stay in my 30 waist jeans.
 
*When I get to the snack aisle, will it be potato chips or  cheese twists, hummmm, which is easier to throw up? I'll worry about that later.
 
* I will admit to being a ice cream whore. I will pick up two gallons, and then think I'm a fat heifer with no self control! But it gets worked off.
 
 

* I love my fruit aisle, but when I handle the melons, am I the only gay who wonders how women handle these suckers?
 
*Sometimes when I see the bananas it reminds to to give the Lad a call.
 
 
* When you see the cucumbers does it remind you to call the hung South American trick? Or am I the only one?
 
 
* The meats aisle is always a issue. Which piece of meat do I go with? The big fat one, or the little one? Silly me, you know size matters. Thicker is always better!
 
* This is about the time you spot the hot jock walking around, so I will start my " giving him body pose."
 
 
*Eggs? Eggs got protein. Do I really need more protein in my daily diet!
 
* Then there the juice aisle- MIXERS!
 
* The cream and nuts aisle always get me. And when in the dog food aisle the biscuits with description, " moist and meaty" always make me chuckle.
 
 
 
And then there is the flower stand, where the manager there looks almost like the above. I will ask him which stems will hold up the longest!
 
*Before leaving the store, I pass the cute guy again, giving him one last look, before he sees me at happy hour.
 
And when I get home, imagine my surprise to see I have read the container wrong......
 

30 comments:

  1. what do you think of when you see cheese? or butter? or popsicles?

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    1. well, I'm a big cheese whore, so anything Dane is best, And the Popsicles remind me of this Eskimo I once met. But that's another story, and don't ask me about the Eskimo pies!!!!

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  2. Country Crock?

    How do you .....

    Oh.

    We're known for our country c[r]ock 'round these parts!

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  3. Hahahahaha!

    Dare I ask what happens when you see Johnsonville sausages?

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    Replies
    1. She and the Johnsonville sausage disappear.

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  4. Honey, the last thing you need is Fruity Pebbles.

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  5. LOL,LOL,LOL! You are too much! I wondered why cucumber sells were up in your area.

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  6. Do you still wear the tee shirt that's says, Deli meat counter open, please take a number?

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  7. As a woman, I think the same way when I shop, how strange huh. And I'm still wondering how to handle these melons.

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  8. Reminds me of the time I totally was flirting with this hot guy at Whole Foods. He was looking at me in every aisle and even smiled at me.....until his girlfriend came around the corner!

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  9. Oh Mistress, I am dying on this end busting a gut with laughter! I can only imagine this trip!

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  10. When you see that much meat, it does remind me of being at a club. Funny!

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  11. Mistress, this is like looking into a mirror… a very sexy, very glamorous mirror mind you! I once met a guy in the supermarket, we dated for like almost a year. And we met in the condiments aisle no doubt.

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  12. I prefer to do a Shed's Spread myself.

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  13. HA!The ice cream part is SOOOOOOO me!

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  14. I can only imagine being in your head. But having met the Mistress, I can vouch he does indeed have a great ass in jeans. I'm surprised it doesn't have a sign that says, $3.99 a pound in the meat selection!

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  15. will never be able to go food shopping or shopping cart again and not think 'CART COUTURE'. Maybe a guy will look at me.

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  16. Wait a damn minute. You eat? I thought you lived on gin! And the supermarket is a great pick up joint, not that I would know.

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  17. Your so right about the markets being a "happy hour joint". Here in Philly when works out, the stores fill up with the mens, and later you see them all at happy hour!

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  18. LOL! Now every time I go to the store and see gays guys I'll wonder what is going on in their minds! Now I know how you keep a small waist, lol!

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  19. hehe country crock good one

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  20. We can all get that bad streak. I was once looking at the meats with a friend for a picnic, and while a hot guy was near us I commented " Big thick meat is so hard to find anymore" He gave me an approving look!

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  21. Hmmm... term Cheese Whore has a whole 'nother connotation in rural areas and in the south! Recently I have had a revelation and am doing nothing but soup and salads with the occasional slice of multi-grain bread. As for my 'other' diet? Oh... variety, variety, variety. When it comes to men I am like the f*cking statue of liberty - bring me your unwashed masses... I clean 'em right up! - Uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

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  22. You read "country crock" according to one double entendre and I read it according to another! Lesbians do that too!

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  23. People are always telling me to avoid the soda aisle because they are unhealthy. What is unhealthy about tonic? If these folks aren't drinking soda, then what the hell are they mixing with their booze? Oh yeah. Juice.

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  24. oh dear, it makes shopping for food seem so sinful and dirty,lol!Can I go on the next trip?

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    Replies
    1. I know. I'll never be able to be a cucumber again with getting nervous.

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  25. Lol!!!!!! This is too damm funny! Your are like a Karen walker I swear!

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  26. ha ha ha! I firmly believe the cart couture thing!!! I love watching the cute guys with carts walk with strut or swagger those perfect asses and bodies!!!! What a fun post. What about the redi whip?

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  27. What a great read!!! We know you wear tight skinny jeans. Has a guy ever grabbed your junk and thought it was a English cucumber Like you'd mind.

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!

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