It had been a while since I was at a wedding. From the post yesterday, you read I had just gone to my good friend's wedding reception they had for family and friends. While I will go to weddings, solo, with friends or the Lad, I always dreaded them. It's like clockwork someone always asks, You're so handsome and have many interests... when are you going to settle down? While I want to roll my eyes, I always say I can respect marriage and those who marry, but I don't think it's me. The sassy lesbian, who feels much the same way, and two others asked if I ever been married yet? I said MARRIED???? I was married four times already! The first was to a banker. Then I married a ringmaster and circus owner. The next was to a priest and the last one was a funeral director. Our friend Stacy said, "My god Maddie, why such diverse careers?" I said, "Well it was 1 for the money, two for the show, 3 to get ready and four to go."
Then on top of that, the Dames assistant made a comment about the gins I was putting away. Tallhlah Bankhead would have been proud. She said to me. "Maddie, did you know that drinking alcohol kills you slowly?" I said, 'Really? Well, that's ok...I'm not in any hurry."
Then I was outside enjoying a cigar when security came up to me and the Dame's hubby and said Madame, you can't smoke a cigar right here at the entrance, I said "All right buddy, now why don't you act like your hairline and take a few steps back."
Which could be why my word of the night was Ambitchious. It's the desire to become better at being a fucking bitch. Thanks heavens my tall, dark and handsome swept me off my feet. And onto my back.
Till the next wedding.
Mistress, did you hear me groaning on the West coast all the way over to Mechanicsburg when I read those jokes? Where on earth did those come from? The 1-2-3-4 story is older than the Dead Sea, you need some new material, Girl!
ReplyDeleteI'm remembering all the times in my life when people would say, "Why aren't you married? I'm sure you could find a nice girl with whom you could settle down." After you're over 50, it gets somewhat tiring. I never did, but wanted to tell most of them, "Here's your first clue." Then do an about face, slowly look over my shoulder and bat my eyes at them, then slowly sashay away, hips swinging wildly and signing "It's Raining Men" at the top of my falsetto voice. That would have done it, for good.