Thursday, August 10, 2017

SOME CHUCKLES


So what the hell, we could all use a good laugh right? After all laughing and being catty is still free.

Just last night I was out dinning in New Jersey and saw Governor Christie at dinner. He was eating so fast his silverware had racing stripes. I hear when at a Chinese restaurant he eats so fast the chop sticks catch fire. When his stomach growls, you better have a whip and chair handy!  The other night after dinner, he was so hungry, I hear he ate his own doormat. Thought it was a triscuit. His wife has been known to spread vinaigrette on the lawn and say "There-gaze,"  If you get in an elevator with him, by God, you better be going down.

And how about Trump? I hear he is number 1 again in the polls. With people from 1930's. Just the other day a friend said "What does Melania see in him? How does she have sex with him?" I says ten mil and a fatal heart attack. Is it me or does Trump look like he is made of mummified foreskin and cotton candy?

How about Kellyanne Conway? She's been starring way to much into the microwave...and the other day she was at breakfast when a white house staffer asked why she was starring at the oj carton. She said "Well..it says concentrate." Do you know what Kelly Anne Conway and door knobs have common? Everyone gets a turn!

Two nuns and the Mother Superior were all killed in a accident one night. Once in heaven, St Peter greeted them at the gate and said in order to get in, they had to answer a question. He says to the first nun, What was the name of the first woman? She replies Eve. That's correct, you can go in. The second nun comes up . St Pete asks her...What was the name of the place Adam and Eve lived? She replies, Garden of Eden. He say your correct, go in. When the Mother Superior comes up, he tells her she will have to answer a more tricky question. He asks her, What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?  She says...boy, that a hard one. St Pete say your correct, you may go in.

Did you hear about the 80 pound guy? His testicles weighed 40lbs and people say he half nuts.

Do you know what you call a 450 stripper? Broke.

A guy one night went to a $10 hooker. Three days later he got crabs and went back to complain. He says I want a refund, you gave me crabs. She says it was $10, what did you expect lobster?

What do you call a 550lb woman with a yeast infection? A whopper with cheese!!!

What do 75 balls and old ladies have in common?
BINGO!

And your well aware I just love me some Kim Kardashian. Did you hear about the record Kim Kardashian recently broke? She was the first woman to have an wedding ring with a bigger carat size than her IQ! I  hear the Kardashians don't like Santa Claus. Every time Santa sees them he keeps saying hoe hoe hoe. Did you hear Kim just had her butt x-rayed? The doctors found a brain tumor.
 

And finally, a lawyer one night went down to the box office to gets tickets for a show. While in the line, all of a sudden, he feels someone kneading his arms, shoulders, and back. He turns and say, What the hell are you doing? The guy replies, Well, I'm a chiropractor and thought I'd practice my skills while in line. The first replies- Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me do you?

Thank you!

13 comments:

  1. I needed the giggles. Anything to make me smile before Cali goes out in a haze of vaporized glory thanks to the two FNs in the White House and North Korea.

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  2. don't tell me - "you've been a great audience, I'm here all week, try the chicken, tip your waitstaff, I don't get no respect."

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  3. Funny, except for the last one.

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  4. This one ...

    "Is it me or does Trump look like he is made of mummified foreskin and cotton candy?"

    ... is giving me everything!

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  5. Breakfast will have to wait........my sides are hurting and William is just starring at me. What a way to start out!!!!! Those were all pretty good!

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  6. " I hear when at a Chinese restaurant he eats so fast the chop sticks catch fire." LOL,LOL,LOL,LOL

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  7. Let us know when you appear in the Catskills. Very funny and I did need a chuckle.

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  8. Da dum tish! "Whopper with cheese"? Ewwwwww! Thanks for making my day. Actually, you've made my weekend.

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  9. remind me not to get on your bad side.

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  10. ***rim shot***

    The last one is wonderful....

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  11. Bwrhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! What a good laugh! Loved the bingo one!!!!!

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  12. thank you for this your broadcast provided bright clear concept..



    ซอมบี้

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!

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