Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Mistress Reveals the Pick Up Joints!

 
The other day a friend and I were talking and he said a guy had been cruising him for a pick up in one of the local shops. But he didn't know for sure the guy was gay. I replied, honey this is New Hope...even the straight guys are gay!!!! So it opened a discussion on what stores are more cruiser compared to others. So he asked me since I have been in retail atmospheres since my interior design days. Now I don't do sales though, I have been in the merchandising, visual display,  windows and visual styling. But back in my early twenties, when I was Miss Pier I Imports of the late 90's, it was a huge pick up joint!!!! I'm surprised they didn't have a happy hour! Not that I WOULD have have picked anyone up there....unless it was....
 
Marco Dapper.....or

Cristiano Ronaldo...or
 
Hugh Dancy.......
 
in which case I would have had them in a huge papsan chair so quick they wouldn't know what hit them!!!!!!!! I once had a guy stare me down, grab his basket numerous times, and he finally asked for help. He later telephoned the store and asked me out. Well..... very forward I told him. He wanted dinner that night already at 7pm ! I said  Oh this seems very strange and to sudden, I don't even know you. Lets make it, oh,  say 8:30 instead" Well we went to dinner.... where he revealed he had seen me weeks ago in the mall and followed me to see where I worked,  so he could finally meet me. Creeeeepy. Needless to say I never called him again. Anywho, even at the company I work for now, I have gotten asked out, and even flashed some goods in the rest room, amazing how many guys go commando,  or when passing fitting rooms!!! So there are a numbed of places I feel are good for shopping for those extra ancillary items if your looking for them. Lets see the run down shall we.......
 
 
#9 Pier 1 Imports
This home interior standard has been the spot to find buy up twinks and the butch-challenged for years. Not only can you find gay guys easily at Pier 1, but you can pick up a scented candle for ambiance. Pottery Barn is very quickly taking this spot! 
 
#8 - Starbucks
Speaking of grabbing coffee, you'll find plenty of gay men at the local Starbucks. The mammoth chain always has at least one queer barista per store and a baker's dozen online at the tables. If you see the apple of your eye cruising Manhunt, invite him to munch your muffin instead.
                                                                  
                                                                    #7 - Home Depot
There's a reason why this store's nickname is Homo Depot around here anyway.  Who doesn't want a big butch man who knows how to use his power tools? Ask Mr. Fix It for advice on how to clean out your plumbing or what size bolts you'll need to install the trapeze above the bed for Saturday night numbers!

           #6 - The Apple Store
Everyone needs a genius in their life, especially this lack of tech bitch. Whether it's the emo kid working sales, the sexy tech guru behind the counter, or the college kids spending mom and dad's money on iPhone covers and laptops, the Apple Store is chock full of hot guys with taste, smarts, and money to spend

 #5 - Macy's
Ah, the good old fashioned department store. From the makeup counter to the men's suit department, there's plenty of gay employees to choose from. See the shopper staring longingly at the Calvin Klein underwear? Grab a pair and tell him they'd look good laying around his ankles!
 
 #4 - Target
Who doesn't know a gay guy who works and/or shops at Target? Enough said.

                                                                         #3 - Gap
See that guy checking out his ass in the mirror? Tell him he rocks those khakis like an African explorer. Let him know you've got experience handling big snakes and invite him on a private safari.

                                                                      #2 - Whole Foods
Just about any grocery store is perfect for picking up a man. There's a reason why single women in the 70's and 80's swore by the produce section... Is he shopping for one? Target sighted.

                                                                      #1 - PetSmart
The man who's willing to spend big bucks on his dog is begging for attention and adoration if you ask me  Let him know you'll always be happy to greet him at the door and he'll follow you home like a puppy.
 
And I won't even get into what one friend was doing at Banana Republic. Lets just say he took customer service to a all new high! Tootles!

42 comments:

  1. LOL,LOL! My side are splitting Mistress form this post!!! Love your story above! But I think you forgot to include IKEA. I don't think I need to explain that one in detail why....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes the gays are quite fond of the old matching nut and blot game.

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  2. Very funny, and I do believe very true!!!! "what size bolts you'll need to install the trapeze above the bed for Saturday night numbers!" I WOULD LOVE TOO SEE the sales person's face when asked that one!

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  3. Working years ago part-time at B&N, I can attest to the hotness of the clientele, especially the dramatic increase of sexy dads, not all of whom are straight;)
    The Apple Store does indeed have some jaw-dropping techies. I had a training session with one, & found it difficult to concentrate while smelling his cologne and looking at his gay nerd bog arms!

    As I tell my partner, "I may be married, but I'm not dead."

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  4. So true about Starbucks! I can also remember working at, don't kill me A&F, a couple years ago. Not so many gay workers but the gay guys shopping were sometime very blunt, inviting you into the fitting rooms for advice on fit and getting opinions. I saw many hot packages in and out of clothes,,, some even asked me to flash them a look! If I did, it got ma a couple dates.

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  5. This is too funny Mistress! I have to read this again. I also have the feeing your friend wasn't taken a inseam measurement?

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  6. I always noticed more gay guys in Lowe's than in Home Depoot. Maybe it's the lighting...

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  7. Well around here the Express is full of gays. Im straight, but there are always a slew of gays guys working and shopping there. They are very knowledgable about fashion though. I was shopping for a suit and tie, but couldn't tie the damn thing. The sale guy came in and tied it for me, as he was so close I could feel his goods against me leg. If I were gay things could have gone different!

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  8. In my experience there are a LOT of gay male hotties cruising around Target, but the real #1 that wasn't on your list is Trader Joe's. You can't go around a corner without either running into a cute gay customer or employee.

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    Replies
    1. I have forgotten about this your correct! Mine is always brimming with hotties!!! Just last time someone complimented me on my macadamia's! Was that a line?

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  9. "in which case I would have had them in a huge papsan chair so quick they wouldn't know what hit them" I'm with you on the Hugh Dancy front mistress. Now next time I go to any of these places, I'll have to take note, although the barista at Starbucks always compliments my hats.

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  10. I worked at the time, a couple years ago at the Mall of America & I can tell you there is no shortage of gay men working & shopping there. I have personally seen cruising going on in my store and in the mens room & have a friend who picked up 4 different guys in one day doing the same. Funny post Mistress. To be in that mind.

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  11. Gurl, you should work a cruise ship for two weeks and see what goes on:0

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    Replies
    1. oh no, that is far to exciting for so early in the summer. It would be like Candyland.

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  12. Hugh Dancy.
    You know he's my little love cupcake!

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  13. Mistress, you are crazy!!! Best shopping cruise scene I ever had was with a young solider in a local store near his duty post--I noticed him following me about the store, walked over and asked if he had a daddy on his shopping list, and the rest was the stuff of good adult film.

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  14. You are cracking me up with that story! Miss Pier 1 Imports!!! Now I have to say IKEA, all day, everyday around here. It is ALWAYS IKEA. I have never seen a gay man in Petco, here, because Petco is usually very unkempt, and do gay men even still shop MACY's anymore???

    So please go ahead darling and bump IKEA up to at least number 2.

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  15. Mistress, you are you fooling. We all know when you shop, you always come home with extra merchandise. And let us not forget the unfortunate scene at Starbucks when you sampled more than the puff pastry.

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    Replies
    1. You know Moorecock, you never did learn when to keep your trap shut! Remember that review time

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  16. Mistress, have you had too much gin!?! Petsmart? Who needs competition from a pampered pooch?

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  17. But where do hot lesbian women shop?

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    Replies
    1. Well Lucille, this one is out of my jurisdiction, but I do believe the Home Depot and Golfdom are places to start.

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  18. I remember years ago I store called Hechinger's. I bluntly saw two guys cruising each other. Later three aisles over they were groping and later left. I figured to the no tell motel up the road. What a fun and quite informative post.

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    Replies
    1. You have NO IDEA how the Mistress spread herself thin to do the research on this topic.

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  19. Hahahah! I shop at six out of nine of these places religiously. I'd also throw in IKEA and Sephora. I don't know of a single straight guy who shops at the latter or even heard of it.

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  20. is it wrong to say that I don't shop at ANY of these stores? but then again, I am a str8 girl...

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  21. Goodness
    This reads like a list of all the places I frequent weekly.
    I guess I really am gay after all!

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  22. Invite him to munch on your muffin!!!! Mistress your so bad. Does one still get there Starbucks rewards?

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  23. You are too entertaining! This is so true too. I won't get onto but I had relations in one of these stores😈

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    Replies
    1. Did they have to call for a clean up in the aisle?

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  24. What funny post, leave it to a seasoned ho! I like to cruise the Whole Foods myself. Nothing life a nice organic cucumber!

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  25. Around here, with exception of Starbucks, the places here aren't cruisey. But when I go to King of Prussia mall......holy! Were every where! I have a nice body too, so I get to show it down your way!

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    Replies
    1. Honey, you need to come up and see me some time.

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  26. I wish I could just live with you. There is a guy at my Starbucks who is so cute, but I just don't know I can talk to him! I need the Mistress.

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  27. Im sure when all the men came in to Pier I they probably ask for to to wait on them!!!! My favorite place to go is Pottery Barn.....it's like Christmas.

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  28. You are too much!!!! Shopping in Philly on Saturdays is always entertaining till I see that guy who's house I left in the middle of the night.

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    Replies
    1. At least in was in cover of darkness. Nothing worst than the after sex look and then the walk of shame.

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  29. You are one naughty ho!!!! I would NEVER DO any of these things!!!

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!

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