I have been seeing the commercials for about a month or so now … Heinz has introduced a new yellow mustard that is meant to push-out their longstanding rival French’s from your summertime hotdogs and hamburger oink fests. What has always been a grill-side staple of Heinz ketchup and French’s yellow mustard, which has always been a happy coexistence of two rival condiments that complimented each other perfectly and who always had a spot in a condiment caddy at my grandmothers' house on the picnic table, are now in the midst of a nasty breakup leaving us, the hotdog and hamburger consuming public, choosing sides. I for one am 100% in French’s camp. The fact that the evil Heinz empire is not content with being the largest selling brand of ketchup in the United States and wanting to branch-out and corner the market and monopolize on mustard too, is absolutely repulsive When I found out that French’s has retaliated by introducing their own line of ketchup, I anxiously scanned the supermarket shelves to show my love for this beloved underdog company and their right to exist in the marketplace. So, next-time you’re poolside, grill-side, lakeside, campfire-side, ocean-side, bed-side.... reach for the French’s and tell these money-hungry bitches at Heinz that they can take their “57 Varieties” and shove ‘em! Money-hungry rat finks! How dare they disrupt the harmony of the picnic tradition!!!
