GIN TALK

 

So, the other day.... I had got an email from dear reader Tim asking about dating and other things. Based on his email here's some advice. Since coming out and being in several relationships, my time now is for me and I'm not settling down until I feel it's the right time and the right man. Otherwise, I'm having fun damn it. I had a therapist once that told me money or men won't solve my problems, so I fired her ass, went on a men bender and a shopping spree at Bloomies! And certain friends, couples. tell me to settle down again, I'm too vivacious. Hey, they stay home because they want too, so I tell them I go out and date and have a few because I want to. Don't judge me fuckers! So Tim here's some tips from someone burnt a few times.

1-Date who you want. If it feels right, who cares. Age is a number. People ask why I date men half my age. Let me put it this way, most my age, are like parking spots, The good ones are taken, and the rest are all fucking handicap.

2, A man who can't match your lifestyle is just extra baggage. And it's safe to say I don't need any more of the shit.

3-Trust me when I say your standards aren't too high, their efforts are just too low. Move on already

4- Sweetheart, if their gossiping about you, you already won. If you haven't noticed, no one talks about boring people.

5-Stop proving your worth to people who can't even afford your friendship. I did that in my 20's and it's draining.

6-Oh, and those who clap when you fail will always have front row seats to your success, so ignore them and keep shinning on ho!

7- And while you're at it, cut off those fake ass friends like split ends. Trust me when I say growth looks better without them.

8-Don't marry for money, marry for love. But just make sure you're in the right fucking zip code.

9-Stop dating lazy men. Does a crack head say he can't get high today, because he's broke? No. They make it happen.

10-It's time you start treating dating like it's a business. If he's not performing, fire that brokie before he bankrupts you.

11- If his shoes cost less than your manicure, he's not your soul mate honey, he's your dependent.

12-If he tells you your too high Maintenace, tell him he's too low income. Simple economics.

13- When I get asked what I bring to the table, I say I'm not a fucking waitress.

14-If the dinner bill comes and he hesitates, congratulations! You're dating a roommate with benefits.

15-He says he's working on himself. Thats code word for he's a brokie. Swipe left and send him a bill for wasting your time.

16-Enought of this he has potential. He's 35 with no headboard and a Walmart pillow.

17- And for god sake, don't ever try to change a man, just change the man instead.

18-Don't date men with meme and brit coin. I did once, he thought he was the shit. With a million bucks he was the poorest rich man in America, Congratu-fucking-lations.

19-And how you ask do I keep my men happy?  Keep his stomach full, his balls empty, your ex blocked, and your jaw unlocked.

20-And don't ever let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband. If you're not married, your single!!!!

HA HA  HA HA HA HA 

Did I just give all this advice out for free?