I can tell you, thank HEAVENS the Lad is back in VA for the time being. Over the last month he was quite the handful. He tells the worst jokes. He asked me one night, Mistress did you hear about the man with five penises? I said no Adrien. He said, I heard his pants fit like a glove.
He then asked me what was 500 feet long and has no pubic hair? I said what Adrien. He said the first row of a Taylor Swift concert.
And boy can he be an idiot. He said one day he took laxatives and laughing gas at the same time. I said why Adrien? And he said for shit and giggles.
Then he had the gull one night to tell me to stop drinking so much or I was going to hell. I told him that thankfully, the floor stops me every time.
One morning he asked me what masturbation and brain damage have in common? I said Whhhat Adrien? He said after a few strokes it's all over.
One night while getting in bed, I ask the Lad, Adrien, what turns you on more about me. Is it my sexy body or my handsome face? He looked me up and down and said it was my sense of humor.
While in Ptown, you wouldn't believe what I walked into the bathroom seeing him doing, He was bleaching his asshole. I yelled Adrien. What THE HELL are you doing? You can't do that to yourself. he said , Well, your the one who told me to change my ringtone.
And the politics! They just keep giving. Do you know what you call politicians with half a brain?
Gifted!
Do you know what trump's wiglet and a thong have in common? They both barely cover an asshole.
Could JD Vance have been here?
Me...after my summer....
But what can I say
I like my men like a like my coffee. Sort of hot and picked up at a gas station.
And speaking of sex. Did you know sex is like a gas station. Sometimes you get full service, sometimes you have to ask for service, and sometimes you got to be god damned happy self-service.
Thanks for all the giggles. Glad you had a gay old time! Kizzes
ReplyDeleteLOL. Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteSo many LOLs!
ReplyDeleteThe politicians are gifted with the grift,
ReplyDeleteand best in show is a GIFT ! :)
Ya just know maniac Vance would have left that couch in shreds !
And wasn’t the last FULL-service gas station run by Scotty Bowers ?!
:-)
Obviously Adrian has never read Iain M Banks' last book, the Hydrogen Sonata, featuring a man with hundreds of penises all over his body.
ReplyDeleteAdrian is the new Boyfriend Ernie!
ReplyDeleteI guess that makes YOU Sophie Tucker.
ReplyDeleteHahaha!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mads. I really needed the chuckles today.
ReplyDeleteLeave it to Mads. We elder women need this. I hope your better than I. I've be terribly under the weather, and have had no energy.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear that, Ms Agnes. I'm sending you massive hugs. I've been told they work wonders. Feel better soon, hon.
DeleteI sure hope you two are doing ok. I love when you two pop in, it makes my day!
DeleteHahaha
ReplyDeleteOh, Mads. Really.
I had to accept I cackled, though....
XOXO
The Taylor Swift one is now in my repertoire.
ReplyDeleteThe cakes at the dog show; who knew? i need to go to dog shows.
That not to far off either Bob. I went to a dog show once, and the gay handlers? My god do they like tight clothes. You can see the religion on more than a few of them.
DeleteBWAHAHAHAHA my daughter is here and spit her coffee out from laughing reading these! As she saw I was laughing so hard. bwahahaha! I haven’t been well and missed you lately, so this brightened my day. Keep kicking ass darling!!
ReplyDeleteA couple of these, especially the trump one had me crying from laughing so hard. I think it was the visuals.
ReplyDeleteOmg!! I won’t be able to get gas in my car without smiling at the attendants. Wait a minute!! I already smile at them. 😉😜 Im in NJ!
ReplyDeleteThe doctor meme! LOL! Well, how are your knees?
i do firmly believe your doctor might think you're a slut.
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to agree with you.
DeleteLAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where do I get tickets for the next show?!?!? And if you’re doing self-service you gotta know your way around a dipstick. Who has more experience with a cock then you?
ReplyDeleteWait don't answer that.
if two people ever knew their way around a dipstick, it's you two whores.
DeleteYou never fail to deliver joy and satisfaction. In or out of bed.
ReplyDeletemuch like McDonalds golden arches sign...over a million served!
DeleteIt sounds like you have had a fun summer. VA as in Virginia? Anyplace I should steer clear of? That is when I am home.
ReplyDeleteAvoid Roanoke at all cost!!!!!!
DeleteTundra Bunny here...
ReplyDeleteYou are truly bad to the bone, Maddie! All that's missing is a drummer going "ba dum bum" after each punch line, LOL!
Ok...these were good! The ringtone had me laughing so hard.
ReplyDeleteThe Lad....what a card!
ReplyDelete