THE WAIT IS OVER HENNY'S!
After my Fourth of July pamphlet was yet another failure, I am sure this one will be a best seller. 89 Items In Your Household You didn't Know You Could Get Off Too. In these trying times, you coupled and marrieds are lucky.... but many of us singletons are suppose to go without sex, in fear of catching the virus. I know this is the longest I've ever gone with sex. Many of my friends ask me why I'm not more irritable and cranky? I tell them ,well, because I'm still having sex. That's right! But it's all self love and with things right at your finger tips. This is also good for the person if your on a covid budget.... it's going to answer questions for the insatiable bottoms, and for the person who has maxed out there credit cards and can't afford sex toys. Do you people realize that your house is waiting to fuck you? It's dying to fuck you! You'd be amazed at the items to bring one pleasure.
For starters those of you with a landline should keep it. There is nothing better then a trim line phone sex session.... to shove up your ass. Absolutely nothing like a good trim line, much better than a cell phone, and yet another reason to keep a landline .
And doorknobs are not just for suicidal hangings anymore. Oh there wonderful...just back up on that door knob and go to town. And curtains rods are not just for drapes anymore. But you need to have a ladder to work the curtain rods. And remember when people use to use condoms and there were the condoms ribbed for a ladies pleasure? Well, don't forget about the everyday toilet brush. Those bristles are just like a ribbed condom. It serves a dual purpose to pleasure yourself while cleaning yourself out. That's when you want to have the Ajax and Comet at the end of that brush.
In the shower? Don't forget those shower heads! I have to say, in my life, there have been quite a few shower heads that have caught my eye — and made me late to work.
Sometimes you need not look any further than your kitchen.All you have to do is look at a well-endowed zucchini or cucumber or banana to know that someone, somewhere is happy. Plus you've got a fruit salad when your done. And don't forget the wooden handle utensils, but one must watch for splinters. And you can go to town on a egg beater, and then tease your wigs with them later.
Although the thought of using a remote control as a sex toy can definitely make ones mind run wild, it does way more then you think then just changing the channel!
Have you heard of tool time? Just lodge those rubber handled tools into something and find the g spot!!!
Here's a win win. Candles! Wo doesn't like candles? I'm sure you assumed that these are being used for penetration — or to stimulate in other ways with hot wax, which is a light BDSM practice. But make sure the candle is out first. That was an accident I would like to forget. But afterwards you'll smell like a yankee candle too.
Whether it's because you haven't gone food shopping in awhile or because your shower head isn't detachable, don't forget to turn to your vanity set!!!! The hairbrush as a make-shift sex toy can be down right quiver inducing, while you use the mirror to crack your own ass with. Plus you still have a comb to use after to fix your coiffure.
Don't want to spend money on anal beads? No worry, get out the ice cube tray and melt the ice cubes a bit to round them. Oh what a feeling that is!!!!!
And for the guys, the Electrolux cannister vacuum delivers quite the blow. You may never go back to a person again. My advice- wait till your flaccid to pull out!!!!
I'm a huge one for dental hygiene. But I'm here to tell you that a toothbrush does the trick when it comes to an on-the-spot toy for pleasuring. Which, if you've felt the vibration of some of those electric toothbrushes, definitely makes a lot of sense in my opinion.
And if your famous and in the pictures or music try your Oscar. It's really the only reason to win one!!!! You just know Faye Dunaway rode that thing hard when she won for Network.
But you'll just have to get the pamphlet to see for yourself all the items. I don't want to give all the real big surprises away. You'll never have a happier home I'll tell you that.
No I'm on to the next pamphlet... The Covid Face...It's All About Less Make Up and a More Dramatic Eye for Mask Wearing During the Pandemic.