EASTER TRICKS

 

With the passing of Easter it made me recall an Easter ages ago, back in the mid 90's. I was dating a guy at the time named Richard who just happen to give alcohol up for lent. To be a good sport, I gave up alcohol too, and I was drinking a lot then, so by time Easter arrived, you know I was getting pretty cranky. The night before, we went to see my parents, where we both said we couldn't WAIT for dinner the next day to finally get to enjoy some wine... where my father, the big drinker he was, announces, "Well you know, Lent ends at midnight, so y'all can start drinking after midnight." Of course, my mother was appalled and relied not to encourage us. So, both of us thought, well, were drinking at midnight! So they went to bed, and we headed out and hit several of the gay bars why we were in town. Well... we started throwing them back. The next morning, the phone is ringing. It's my mother. "Are you both up? Hurry up, meet us downstairs, I want to get a good seat at church service. It's Easter you know." Yes we'll be there. I hung up the phone and look over, and there is Richard, snoring logs in his bed, and I'm on other bed, and then there's the guy he picked up in my bed, and the guy I picked up was already gone, and this guy won't shut up. And I'm like yeah ok whatever, we can't really talk, we have to get out of here, and he just kept complaining about his job, his family and Easter in general... I'm just like shut up, while trying to wake up Richard..."hurry up we got to get up and go to service", and he's like no, I'm not going to service, and I'm like yes you have to go, Then the phone rings, it's the mother again... Hurry up, what's taking so long?...I mean, you could see a split screen of me, try to get Richard up, trying to get this chatty Cathy out the door, and then dealing with my Mother and Grandmother on the phone, while trying to get their Easter bonnets on, which my grandmother always wore on Easter. So I hang up and tell Richard he has to get his guy out of the room. He said, He's your guy. I said no, he's not. He got in my bed when my guy left. So, he finally gets the guy to leave, we get ready fast and head downstairs, where my mother isn't happy, my father rolls his eyes, and my grandmother if still fiddling in a mirror with her hat. Well, we finally get to church, it's packed. And hot. No air conditioning. My mother who's getting anxious about setting together, gets the attention of a guy whose says he will give his seat up so they can sit. To my horror it's the other guy who I picked up and he says it's the least he could do for last night and showing him some fun at the Easter egg hunt. My grandmother hears and says that must have been fun? Did you find any she asked, Well, yes, six, I replied.