Sunday, December 20, 2015

ENTERTAINING TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAYS

I bring you tidings of great joy!!!
I have been out and about tending to loose ends.... for some care packages for later in the week, and have been to the market to start getting the food items for a few visiting neighbors and other gatherings. Admiring the feeling of festivity in the air, and the lights twinkling in windows and on pine boughs; I came home last night, after the street lamps were lit to find a Nylon flag semi-erected in my neighbor’s front lawn across the street. I think it’s supposed to be a nativity scene — a super-cheap crèche — suitable for any trailer park. Yes. I’m was full on Joan mode. After dealing with crowds and traffic yesterday, I felt like going in and getting a wire hanger and deflate the nativity!!!! But I digress. There’s no time like the holiday season for entertaining guests in the comfort of your home, I have to say it is great fun to have the clan of guys and nearby neighbors in for entertaining, and here are some of my tips, with the help of Joan herself! You just never know who will drop in around here...Thanks Joan! now, put down the knife dear.
 
Tip 1- Décor
Make sure the halls are decked! No need to go over board, but just a few balls, a welcoming wreath and a few sprigs of mistletoe and holly, are all the is needed to set a festive mood, and get the cranks to snap out of it. And for the ones who arrives with bad make up technique, light a few candles for better dim lighting. It will be a Christmas miracle.
 
        Tip 2 Power Nap
When having a gathering, I always take a lie down for half an hour. Nobody likes a cranky, mean hostess. Just make sure to set an alarm and keep the houseboys out.
 
 Tip 3-The Details
Make sure the cold food is cold and the hot goods are hot, if a buffet, and for goodness sake, if it's a sit down dinner, label your silverware, to a place setting. So when silver goes missing you can hunt them down, and then stab them with the dirty fork. Make sure you have all the proper plates and glassware and eating utensil in order. Last thing you need in the neighborhood gossip telling the old country club birds you only know your way around a bed, and not a proper table!!!! Trust me, it takes forever to put those rumors to rest. Have plenty of food, you don't want to be the only thing getting spread to thin that night. Also.... ALWAYS seat the hunky single guy next to yourself, in case you play footsy or more, under the table. A good game of pool pocket is fun during those boring lulls in conversation.
 
Tip 4-Cock-a-tails!
Make sure you have a variety of hootch on hand for the variety of booze hounds guest coming, with all the fixing's. Unless you specify a wine party, gin party, rum party, vodka party....all of which I endorse. This is the point in the evening where hostess can get drunk enjoy yourself. As Joan would tell you herself "Entertaining at home means planning and preparation... and then the hostess can enjoy herself!"
 
Tip 5-Music
Like Joan demonstrates here, music is important at a party...sets the mood, breaks out the merriment, and will cover up at caterwauling coming from other rooms if guest, or the host herself, went for a snog. During this time, I highly recommend some family recipe homemade eggnog sure to get even the shyest to tickle the ivories. 
 
Tip 6-Dress
 
You have all year to live in sweats, so break out the glitzy party frocks and preferably something quick and easy to get out of. Nothing worst then struggling drunk getting out of it, and you sure don't want the hunk ripping it off you!
 
So the holidays can really be a breeze you see. Sit back and enjoy. Or unless your my aunt, who says "when Christmas collides with pre-menopause,then all bets are off."

26 comments:

  1. HA!!! Some helpful tips indeed from the hostess with mostess!!! Right there with your aunt. Turned 48 four days ago, and WHO TURNED UP THE HEAT DAMMIT?

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    1. May I suggest a ostrich fan to carry in your handbag dear. Chic and gives a good wind

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  2. dead or not, you obliviously medicated Joan, no way would she be so calm and smiley.

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    1. Nah, I promised her she could play with the garden clippers later and go crazy on the bushes.

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  3. Our neighbors have a lovely creche on the lawn. With Mary, Joseph, Jesus and Santa. Who knew there was a fourth wise man?

    Wishing you a lovely holiday season! Where would we be without some helpful tips from the Mistress! Do the houseboys lend some helping hands in the kitchen? Unless that kind of thing drives you crazy. And is that THE famous nog recipe??????

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    1. They do lend a hand, but at least not in the kitchen.

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  4. "I have been out and about tending to loose ends...." So it's just another weekend then?

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  5. Hillarious as always! Should have know. Who wouldn't like a treat of an evening at the Casa? - I wouldn't turn that down, that's for sure!

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    1. Thank you dear....now come sit next to me.....

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  6. Some great tips. And for under the table games! Well for heaven's sake! Mistress, no one should go around during the holidays with unfluffed balls. I mean, just give me a tinkle and I'd be more than happy to fluff your balls.

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    1. Who the hell said anything about unfluffed balls??? But since you brought it up fluffing balls is a necessity

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  7. LOL,LOL,LOL! You and Joan knocked that one out. Some of these tips will come in handy. What kind of glassware do you prefer to serve drinks in?

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    1. Generally if the punch bowl isn't available, I prefer your general old fashioned.

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  8. "Make sure you have a variety of hootch on hand for the variety of booze hounds coming" - yeah, cause you know the gin doesn't last too long when I visit the casa!

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  9. What a great idea about the silverware! I always have a piece that goes missing. And I have a lovely retro psychedelic number in my size. I wonder if that would be nice to wear to a holiday party?

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    1. It's just like I told Alice Beasley, just because it fits, doesn't mean you should wear it!!!

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  10. Always wonderful suggestions from the Mistress! Thank you and also thanks for the repost on eggnog recipe ...yummy!

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  11. "it is great fun to have the clan of guys and nearby neighbors in for entertaining" Is this a dinner party or a orgy?

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  12. Now it all makes sense. I have tried and tried the power nap idea in the past when getting ready but somehow never got any rest even though I over stayed my alotted time. It was the houseboy in the bed with me.
    OBTW, if your #1 fan is going to give you a tinkle...I highly recommend you give him a nice fuffle.

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  13. Oh, dear! Now, the wife and I have always wished we had Houseboys who would serve the needs of all our guests and then take care of all the clean-up! We always joked about it...for her 40th b'day party, I hired her a personal Cabana Boy...He was hot, hot, hot! and she loved it!

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  14. Well, I most definitely heed your advice! Your sort of like a gay ,campy, racy Martha Stewart. And I think I love your aunt. Now going to check the egg nog recipe.

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  15. If you can conjure up Joan, could you get me a night with Dennis Morgan? I bet your quite the minx at these soirees.

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  16. What goes on under your tables there???

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!

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