Friday, October 21, 2016

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED

So far, I have learned many things at my age besides looking great when stepping outside my door, and using crisp, ice cold cubes in my gin, and never, ever act your age! Here are some things I've learned thus far....
 
People who live in glass houses should have sex in the basement.
 
-Never read the fine print darlings.....there is no way your gonna like it.
 
-The trouble with bucket seats is that every bodies bucket isn't the same size.
 
Too error is human, to forgive,highly unlikely.
 
-The only two things we do in middle age more frequently is urinate and attend funerals.
 
-Do you realize that in forty years we're gonna have thousands of old people running around with unrecognized tattoos?
 
-Money doesn't buy you happiness. But somehow its more comfortable to cry in a Porcshe, then a Hyundai.
 
-Money doesn't buy you happiness. But my liquor store register tape tell a different story.
 
-Drinking makes some husbands see double, sleep triple,and feel single.
 
-Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of dressing up for Halloween.
 
-After a certain age, if you don't wake stiff, and full of aching in every joint and muscle, your probably dead.
 
-And lastly....IT'S FRIDAY DARLINGS.....have a big cock-a-tail to welcome the weekend!!! After all, helps us here in Bucks County.........Donald Trump is spending the day here campaigning!!! SMITIES, make mine a TRIPLE doll!!!!!
 

38 comments:

  1. Mistress Maddie's Rules. I'd buy a copy!

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  2. The Donald is visiting?? Don't let him grab your pussy, Mistress! I think he's pissing in the wind in Pennsylvania, so keep him there for as long as you can!

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    1. If he goes to grab me, he will find something he won't be used too!

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  3. Now what a sage list of things learned and probably not untrue! But you mean trump is coming to New Hope and he wasn't invited to the case du borghese!?!?!

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  4. Oh no. The Orange Menace™ is paying a visit to the casa? Run, dear. Run!

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    1. Yes, aren't we privileged? Be interesting to see his reception.

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  5. Happy birthday, my mistress! Middle-age is a good time to be alive: You no longer make the stupid mistakes of youth, but you're still young enough to let loose and have fun!
    If the Orange Menace is there - get out of town until he leaves! Either that or go protest his very existence. Stay safe from him and his cronies!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Whakattak! Your warm hug is always welcomed.

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  6. Mistress, you are on fire this week with the jokes, but I adore this list! I can remember a glass house at the beach years ago with William. I wish I had though of that advice. I too heard trump would be in Bucks County today. I can only guess he will do good in Lower Buck, but that's it. Now fill me up with a cocktail!

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    1. I just knew you had some scandal in you !

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  7. Stay safe with low flying politicians in the area!!!
    xooxoxox

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    Replies
    1. Low flying is right! I'm over just about all these people and races. So nasty this timw

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  8. Funny list. Especially liked the one about the tattoos.

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  9. Your list definitely tickled my funny bone - - and my bone is nothing to laugh about.

    Did I read between the lines and assume it's your birthday??

    My favorite one is the Porsche and Hyundai. Hilarious!

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    1. who's laughing? the mistress takes bones very serious

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    2. Yes Jon, I do have an upcoming birthday next week, but I don't celebrate it usually, but this year may be different. These tips are funny and so true too! Thanks for stopping in, I always enjoy your stops

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  10. Your liquor store register tape had me laughing!!!! I can't even imagine bring in your head for a day!

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    1. If you were, trust me sister, you'd need a stiff one!

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  11. What a funny list. I may have even shot some drink out my nose!!!!! Nudists colony? What do you know about one? And have you a story about sex in a glass house???

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  12. shame trump couldn't be here next week to jump out of you birthday cake.

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    Replies
    1. Thank goodness too! Nothing worst than hair in the icing.

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  13. Crying isn't the only thing done better or more comfortable in a Porsche!!!! So when is the big day???

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    1. The only thing I got in the backseat of a Porsche were directions.

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  14. Replies
    1. Always it seems and at the most importune moments sometimes.

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  15. at 39, the mistress NEVER has to worry about saggy body parts! keep the gin trucks rolling, dear!

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    Replies
    1. Can't help but wonder if gin has anything to do with that?

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  16. Dear, this is a marvelous list! Enjoyed reading those. And Anne Marie is right. Nothing sags on you! How do you do it for 105?

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  17. Great list, I like the glass house rule. Oh the fun things we learn as we age, wisdom comes only to the old.

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  18. You sure do know how to get a laugh out of me! And I agree, the fine print is never a good thing. O don't recall ever saying, "OH look, the fine print has made my day." enjoy the weekend darling!

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  19. Wake up stiff? Your forgetting I have seen you pitch a carnival tent in the morning. There is certainly nothing wrong with you

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  20. My ass these days hates buckets seats.

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  21. You know mistress, here's to being single, seeing double and sleeping triple was always my favorite toast to make.

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  22. Lol! But some bucket seats can be handy!

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!

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