CHUCKLES

You know what I said to one of my gentleman suitors the other night? I said "Chadwick, you're like a slinky. You have no real purpose, and it would give me a great pleasure to push you down a flight of stairs."

Valentine's Day was last week, and the Lad texted and asked if he could be my Valentine." I said hell no you can't, for medical reasons." He said " What? What medical reasons? I said to him, Yes, for medical reasons, because you make me sick." Then he told me he got his taxes done on Valentines Day. And I said, "Why is that Adrien" He said, " Well, it was the only way I was going to get fucked." And then you know what he said? " You know Mistress, before you I had a boyfriend in every state. I said, "Yeah, right Adrien. State of denial, State of regret and State of remorse."

And then do you know what he said to me last night? The smart ass. "Mistress, how do you communicate with a MAGA Republican anti vaxxer?" And I said, "How Adrien" And he said, "Through a Ouija Board." Then he asked me if a knew what bordered on stupidity? I said, What Adrien? And he said, Canada and Mexico."

What really goes in in the Ovel Office....

While having coffee with my good friend Mame the other day she asked if I'd heard about the MAGA Republican that got rushed to the hospital by shoving 30 toy horses up his ass. I said, "Really Mame? How's his condition?" Mame said, "Stable." But I shared with her a study I read. It said that 50% of MAGA men don't fall asleep right after sex. Mame said, I wonder why? I said," Because, they still have to drive home from their mistress's house."

Even Warbucks is something else. He told me the other night on the phone if I ever need a kidney transplant, he'd donate me one of his. I said, "This is an awful conversation, but that is nice to know, but what if my body doesn't except it." And he said, Oh, Mistress, I'm not worried, your body hasn't rejected any organ in the last 15 years."