Tuesday, November 22, 2016

EVEN US DELICATE FLOWERS HAVE THORNS

One thing about the Mistress, I love some good jokes. And when it comes to telling jokes, no one is safe. I think its why I love the comedy of my idol, the fabulous Lady Bunny and the hilarity of Lisa Lampanelli. Friends know , no one will be safe when I get started. So with so many targets lately, its like shooting fish in a barrel. Leave it to Lady Bunny who regaled this....
Now that Trump has won President, he has been to the White House for brieifing. While there he was visited by three dead presidents. Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln. Not one to miss an opportunity, he thought he'd ask each one how to be the best President ever. George Washington appeared first, and told Trump to never tell a lie. Well, to late for the Trump said. Next, Jefferson appeared and said Trump, listen to the people of your country. Trump said screw that, I'll do what I want. Next comes along good ole Abe Lincoln. Trump asked the same question how to be the best president ever, and Lincoln replied GO TO THE THEATRE!
 
Moving on....Now lets face it, Trump has given much to have fun with. Do you know what Trump says when he can't find his Viagra?
This erection is rigged!
 
Do you know what Trumps biggest dilemma will be now that he is president?
 
Finding a cabinet position for that thing on his head.
 
What is the difference between Reagan and Trump?
Alzheimers will give Trump a higher IQ.
 
what do you call a movie about Trump, Bannon and Priebus?
The League of Extraordinary Idiots
 
What's the difference between a sewage plant and Trump?
Nothing. There both full of shit.
 
Did you know Melania Trump is not keen on being the first lady?
For starters, it means moving into a smaller house.
 
Why does Trump love the poorly educated?
Because they know their ABC's. Anybody But Clinton.
 
Speaking of Hillary, did you hear she didn't let any of her campaign staffers excerise during the election season? She was afraid they'd feel the Bern. But she was busy enough making sure Bill was behaving. I had heard she prefers dogs to Bill. At least the dog chases its own tail
 
And how about Trump giving all these position and transition committee titles to a bunch of loud mouths. Christie is being considered maybe pass the transition title. How do you describe Christie Jello with a belt? Christie is not a bad man, but if you happen upon him in a elevator, by god, you better be going down. If his stomach growls, you better have a chair and a whip ready. I hear for fun, he likes to go downtown to department stores and burn out all the escalators. Have you ever seen him at the beach in swim trunks? He looks like a bear in a jock strap.
 
And how about this Reinze Priebus. Is it just me, or when he speaks, does it sound like a pack of nails having a super intense orgy down a chalk board? Just the name Reinze Priebus......sounds like the Sith Lord in the next Star Wars movie.
 
Then there's Bannon. I had heard Steve Bannon has already advised Trump to tear out Michelle Obama's garden and replace it with an Easy Bake Jew Oven. To all who said give Trump a chance, he has named Bannon Chief Fascist, oops I mean Chief Strategist. I say fuck that.
 
And hasn't Ann Coulter been quite. I hear she is working on a new calendar. Its called, Where Erections Go to Die. But Ann can be sharp sometimes. I used to think of her like a knife. But then again, a knife has a point!
 
And I too can be a good sport and can joke about my self. Just the other day I was filling out a application and where it said "sign here" I wrote Scorpio. I was shopping for a new suit the other day and I said to the clerk, " I'd like to see something cheap in a suit." He said the mirror is to your right! Do you know what a gin bottle and the Mistress have in common? Eventually they both bottom out. And finally in closing the Mistress and Thanksgiving do have things in common. With both, your pants will be open at some point, you'll get a plump juicy piece of meat, and you'll most likely go home full.
 
THANK YOU.

39 comments:

  1. mistress maddie tried out some of these jokes on me when we met last saturday.

    "Eventually they both bottom out" - heh heh heh, I'm a top myself... ;-b

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    Replies
    1. That makes two of us. Dare we flip a coin!!!!!!

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    2. you get the mistress, cali-boy; she has no interest in real live girls like me! :)

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    3. and here I thought they both just bottomed.

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    4. Anne Marie, I've had no doubt you were a top from the very first time I ever laid an eye on one of you're fabulous comments.

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    5. Now y'all behave.....i do have two cheeks.

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  2. Mistress, I voted for Hillary, and William for trump....yrs, a interesting household, but I tell you, we were both howling with laughter!!!!!!

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  3. LOL,LOL,LOL,LOL!!!! I really found these funny since I can't stand any of them. A NICE plump juicy piece of meat, and go home full? What times dinner?

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  4. You need a disclaimer. I'm still at work and getting looks from snorting!

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  5. "Jell-O with a belt"? I'm dyin' over here!

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  6. I like the Ann Coulter one the best.

    I'm definitely laughing here....but Trump is having the last laugh.

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  7. :-) better to laugh than cry... xoxoxoxo

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  8. Thank you and good night, ladies and germs! You gotta laugh or you're gonna cry.

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  9. *takes a bow while laughing hysterically *

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  10. Mistress, those are the first trump jokes ever heard....and something for everyone! Should I sign up up for the Carmen Show?

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  11. Bwahahahaha! That was great! I knew there was a insult comic in there. And trust, I have seen you catty and mean.....hence Cruella de Vile. But you hide it.

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  12. i see you've sharpened your claws on the cat post again.

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  13. Someone said, all we can do is laugh! I sure did. It will be interesting living in a 1940 all white highly conservative America.....yet again.

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    Replies
    1. once was enough, and it should NOT have happened then either. this whole "white power" thing disgusts me.

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  14. My gut is,SPLITTING over the Christie cracks!!!!!!!! O can not stand the fat slob. Now about that piece of plump juice meat.........

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  15. The disclaimer should be no reading when drinking coffee.oh dear. I must,admit to liking Lisa Lampanelli. NO ONE is safe. And the Trump joke about the Viagra is funny! Could you imagine that on top of you having sex?????? How does Melania do it?

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    Replies
    1. How does Melania do him? She doesn't... LOL

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    2. Well dear, its starts with a few stiff drinks and about 10 million.

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  16. What a good way to start the day, and at the expense of such buffoons. When does your week comedy segment start?

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  17. I loved reading these first thing in the morning. I needed the laugh thanks to what happened yesterday. I'll post on that soon.

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  18. Lisa Lampinelli is great! The female Don Rickles. Classic.

    Well, I can only hope that my pants will be opened, and that I get nice big hunk of meat. Wouldn't that be something to be thankful for?

    Happy Thanksgiving, my dearest mistress. Hugs!!!

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  19. I too laughed my ass of at these! When you there be a follow up?

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  20. MISTReSs.....you are so bad! But I laughed hard and mostly at the expensive of these nuts! I am truly grateful that I do not live in the US this Thanksgiving.

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  21. That was all pretty funny. Nothing like starting the day with laughter!!! And I hear your meat can feed the needy?

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Go ahead darling, tell me something fabulous!

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