It had been a while since I was at a wedding. From the post yesterday, you read I had just gone to my good friend's wedding reception they had for family and friends. While I will go to weddings, solo, with friends or the Lad, I always dreaded them. It's like clockwork someone always asks, You're so handsome and have many interests... when are you going to settle down? While I want to roll my eyes, I always say I can respect marriage and those who marry, but I don't think it's me. The sassy lesbian, who feels much the same way, and two others asked if I ever been married yet? I said MARRIED???? I was married four times already! The first was to a banker. Then I married a ringmaster and circus owner. The next was to a priest and the last one was a funeral director. Our friend Stacy said, "My god Maddie, why such diverse careers?" I said, "Well it was 1 for the money, two for the show, 3 to get ready and four to go."
Then on top of that, the Dames assistant made a comment about the gins I was putting away. Tallhlah Bankhead would have been proud. She said to me. "Maddie, did you know that drinking alcohol kills you slowly?" I said, 'Really? Well, that's ok...I'm not in any hurry."
Then I was outside enjoying a cigar when security came up to me and the Dame's hubby and said Madame, you can't smoke a cigar right here at the entrance, I said "All right buddy, now why don't you act like your hairline and take a few steps back."
Which could be why my word of the night was Ambitchious. It's the desire to become better at being a fucking bitch. Thanks heavens my tall, dark and handsome swept me off my feet. And onto my back.
Till the next wedding.
Mistress, did you hear me groaning on the West coast all the way over to Mechanicsburg when I read those jokes? Where on earth did those come from? The 1-2-3-4 story is older than the Dead Sea, you need some new material, Girl!
ReplyDeleteI'm remembering all the times in my life when people would say, "Why aren't you married? I'm sure you could find a nice girl with whom you could settle down." After you're over 50, it gets somewhat tiring. I never did, but wanted to tell most of them, "Here's your first clue." Then do an about face, slowly look over my shoulder and bat my eyes at them, then slowly sashay away, hips swinging wildly and signing "It's Raining Men" at the top of my falsetto voice. That would have done it, for good.
Listen sweet cheeks.... I like corn ball jokes! And how do you know I wasn't married to those gents??? LOL! And secondly, one time at another wedding event, a couple asked the Lad, who was with me, were we planning to get married next, to which he replied, Oh no...we just fuck.
DeleteWe are both so politically incorrect, with no filters as you can see.
Madam Arcati and I have been together for 28 years and we have never felt the need to go down the marriage route. The whole quasi-religious, "people-as-possessions", aping heterosexual "normality" business has always been anathema to me. I am totally anti-religion. We don't own a property. We have wills. We know who we are and what we mean to each other, and so does everyone else. Full stop.
ReplyDeleteRant over. Clink, clink, sweetie! Jx
I swear, we must be related. I feel very much the same way. To each their own. I especially can't see spending such money on a one-day event like couples these days do. All the money is better spent on travel, drinks, good food, drinks, gardening, drinks and go-go boys.
DeleteCheers darling! click clink
At my age, no one asks if I'm going to settle down anymore.
ReplyDeleteDave, are you ever going to settle down one day????? LOL!!!!!
DeleteLMAO!!!!! The sad part is I don't think these are jokes!!!! I love you Maddie!
ReplyDeleteMistress..., you are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteOk buddy why don’t you act like your hairline and take a few steps back!
ReplyDeleteBRILLIANT! And don't worry about cutting drinking...I have yet to master cutting my alcohol and I'm perfectly fine with that 😂
You are so funny! But I appreciate that marriage isn't for everyone. Even though I've been married for 45 years, (child bride) I hate that people put pressure on others and are often very judgemental.
ReplyDeleteI had my first son before we were married, shock, horror! And when I was pregnant with our second an elderly relative said "we can forgive you once but not twice!" W. T.F????
Be free, love who you love and sod the rest. X
That's right Christina!!!!!! I would never say never...but I would so not want a big event either. I have always functioned better as a single unit, not sure why. And on a side note, I think you and your daughter have popped up on my Instagram to follow!!!!! Talk about a small word!!!
DeleteReally? I never go on. Jess does. I will go take a look, see if I can find you!
DeleteI'm not on much either, if I'm lucky one through twice a week now. I mostly post about trips flowers from my garden and Cocktails.
DeleteOh, lots of loud groaning from me here in Córdoba! Take that how you like. I get really pissed off by questions like that. So intrusive, judgmental, and potoentially hurtful.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine you about 25 years from now, a single spotlight, sitting on a bar stool at center stage, a gin in one hand, a microphone in the other, telling the tales of a long life of fun and games, and winking at the hunky twink in the front row.
ReplyDelete25 years?????? Hell I think that happened already toots!
DeleteMost married people seem so interested in unmarried people and why they haven't wed. I say live your own life and what makes YOU happy and don't give a flying fuck about the rest.
ReplyDeleteThat said, you just know I will be putting this line:
"Why don't you act like your hairline and take a few steps back."
... into my act immediately!
They can ask my anything...just don't ask why I haven't married yet!!! Not everyone needs a paper, ceremony and a church to tell you how you feel about someone. Beside half the people I know who got married are now divorced already, lol!!!!
DeleteMarriage #2 has worked out...40 years in Sept. But I will admit there are times I wish I were single. So many things I could do..... A vacay at The Woods (with you) would be first on my list.
ReplyDeleteUs secluded in nature naked? What would possibly happen?
DeleteMoral of the story; don't ask the Mistress a question you don't know the answer to.
ReplyDeleteConsidering who told these jokes I thought this was the truth until I got to the second one!
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteThe fear of commitment has always plagued me. There's only one person I would have gladly married. I was devastated when he died much too young. Jon
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 18, I had a couple of paternal aunts that would grab my left hand at family gatherings and ask "Oh, is your hand still bare?!" That ended when I earned my Master's degree at 24 and my Dad told them proudly that both his daughters were career-girls. I never married either but the judgement in workplaces was palpable at times and I'm heterosexual. Married people, especially with children, seem to just want everyone to be as miserable and broke as they are, LOL!
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!!!!!!
DeleteIn your posting, the last two paragraphs are a perfect description of a Great Night at the wedding you attended. Bravo Mistress !!
ReplyDeleteIt was a fun evening....but the farce of the wedding was a shit show.
DeleteROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete